Is it OK to be a bit selfish sometimes??

This journey I am on with Parkinson’s has many twists and turns and challenges. It has made me appreciate life more in many ways. As I have said in other posts previously, my family has become more important to me and spending time with them is high on my list of priorities. However, there are times when I have to also consider what is right for me and what I want and/or feel that I need out of life for myself.

I had the worst thing that can ever happen to a parent, the death of my oldest son in 2020. Nothing can ever replace him or the gap in my heart that can never be filled. That space is reserved for him and always will be.

My son had the forethought to set up life insurance and he owned his own home. When he passed away his father and I managed his estate and his brother and sister and his father and I inherited some funds from his estate. His brother and sister have been able to put his legacy to good use and has set them up well for the future. I know he would be pleased that he has been able to help his family.

I have also been mindful of not being frivolous with the funds I have received. My racy red e-bike has been one of the things I bought and it brings me joy to be able to ride it. I think Adam would smile to see his Mum out and enjoying life and being active on her bike.

I have kept some aside for a ‘rainy day’ fund, but thinking about it, this diagnosis in itself is about as ‘rainy day’ as it gets! Having money in the bank won’t make me happy, but things that bring pleasure in my life does. Several years ago in another lifetime, I had a spa pool. I have for years suffered from aching or restless legs which have made it difficult to sleep. I used to get up when they were aching – sometimes in the wee small hours – and hop in the spa and that would soothe me enough so that I could sleep. That was over 20 years ago and I certainly have many more achy bits than I did then!

I have often talked about getting a spa pool, but my husband has never been that enamored with the idea. So, I haven’t been in a position to buy one. Now, with Parkinson’s to contend with, as well as arthritis in various parts of my body, hands, knees, back and goodness only knows where else, a spa would be ideal. So, I got to thinking about it and – although my husband isn’t keen – I thought, why not buy one even if it’s just for me?

Is it selfish I wonder to do this just for myself? Perhaps I can persuade my husband to join me from time to time? Also, we have our grand-children that stay with us and we could enjoy some time relaxing and chatting in the spa together. I know that at some stage it may be challenging to get in and out of it, but if I get even 10 good years of enjoyment then I think it is worth it.

So, decision is made. I have ordered a lovely new spa pool care of my lovely son. I know Adam would approve his Mum doing something for herself that makes her happy and that she can share with other members of his beloved family.

Now is not the time to deny ourselves things that give us pleasure in life. If a spa can give me pleasure and ease my pain then it’s well worth getting.

Thank you Adam…

Love Mum. Xxx

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels.com

Published by kiwipommysue

I work in health and have been with the same supportive team for over 7 years. They are all aware of my diagnosis and this helps tremendously especially while I get used to the idea of my diagnosis. My parents both had Parkinsons, so I guess my odds were higher than most.

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