Pretty random huh!
I have been thinking today about the difference our culture can make for us. Also, about the definition of culture. Often culture is seen as part of your ethnicity and that can be true. But, it is also about the experiences and influences that you grew up with and your family culture.
As the child of an English Father and a Kiwi Mother, I grew up with a confusing mix of influences from both sides. Dad had funny expressions, that I had thought up until later in life that he had made up himself. It wasn’t really until I met my very English husband that the penny dropped and I realised that my husband also used some of the same expressions. I would say to him “Is that an English saying?” and he would respond “What else would it be?” and I would tell him that all through my childhood I had thought that Dad had made these things up himself.
Dad used to use a thing called “Cockney Rhyming Slang” and once you get the hang of it, it isn’t hard to grasp, but then not only do they have the rhyme, but sometimes they have a shortcut that makes even less sense! As an example someone wearing a “Whistle” would be wearing a suit. Makes no sense at all right! The long version is “Whistle and Flute” rhymes with suit, take off the flute and you are left with whistle! Clear as mud? I thought so!
Another thing that Dad used to do was – when asked where he was going – he would say to me “to see a man about a dog”. As he worked on farms a lot as a diesel mechanic, I thought he was going to bring me back a puppy. Many a day I would be waiting for Dad to come home with my puppy and it never happened. It wasn’t for some years until I learned it was just a saying. Like “Where are you going?”There and back to see how far it is!”
I don’t know much about my Danish origins, other than being told that my Great Grandfather was a seaman who jumped ship in Lyttelton, met a beautiful kiwi girl and married and settled in Christchurch. I have always been drawn to all things Danish, especially Viking. I particularly like the idea of Valhalla, which is basically heaven for warriors who have fallen in battle. With all that I have gone through with my health over the years and two divorces under my belt – this one’s the keeper though – I have had my fair share of battles and figure I deserve a bit of Valhalla when the time comes.
On the surface of it, my husband and I speak the same language, but as illustrated in the referral to Cockney Rhyming Slang, there are some quite marked differences in our use of language. There are also sayings that are very kiwi like “Mufti Day”. The first time I said to my husband that the kids had a Mufti Day he said, “A what?” and I explained that if you normally wear a uniform, you can come to school on a Mufti Day wearing your own clothes for a gold coin donation to a good cause. He responded with “Oh, yeah we have that!” When I asked what they called it, he said “Own clothes day”. Not very inspiring.
Before my husband met my brother and his Aussie bride, I was talking to him about them and particularly my sister-in-law, saying (or something like it) that she was a “Hard case”. He responded with “I thought you really like her!” and I said that of course I did and then realised “hard case” might mean something completely different. I explained that the term meant that she is fun and funny and a good sort, someone that was fun to be around. I asked what it meant in the UK and he said, “someone shifty and not to be trusted!” No wonder he thought it was a mean thing to call my sister-in-law.
Sometimes weird words pop into my head and I can’t for the life of me think why. Today’s was “Ecky thump”. Goodness knows where that came from. I looked it up and it was apparently coined by “The Goodies” and was supposed to be a Lancaster martial art where a person hitting people with black pudding while wearing a cloth cap. Strange, very very Strange.
I am sure that those that came before me send strange words and thoughts into my head. I can imagine them watching my husband and I as we have our weird little ways together and laughing as I try to figure out how weird words got into my brain. I certainly wonder myself how they came to be there.
With my husband and I we both are very well aware of each other’s needs and social and cultural needs. I need to be with people or I get heartily sick of my own company and he needs to take long walks to help him manage any stress in his life. I feel this will hold us in good stead in the future, when I may need a constant presence with me, but I don’t want to solely rely on him. It is important he gets those long walks in, it’s how he fills up his tank and re-energises him. I never see that as selfish, it is important that he does have this time for himself and I know he will always be with me when I need him.
So, in this Parkies life that we have, it is important to know our history and acknowledge it. To understand for ourselves what we need to do to get through and for each of us to know each other’s needs. In this way, we will instinctively know when it is time to get more help because my needs start to impinge on his ability to have those breaks that he needs.
For some more thoughts have a listen to my Podcast on Spotify “Parkies and me – My journey with Parkinson’s”
Below is a podcast regarding Cultural Confusion. I hope you enjoy it.
My journey with Parkinsons 