Those of you who have been following me lately will have noticed – I am sure – that I talk a lot about playing bowls. It was my main rehab goal for both my knee surgery and my recent back surgery.
Also, recently I wrote about my disastrous first singles competition in which I was thoroughly thrashed. Not a happy day for me and probably not that great for my husband, who had to try and cheer me up. It’s not fun when I get a fit of the ‘Negative Nellies’. So, the last time we had a roll-up, I was still bowling well below par for me and was getting very frustrated with myself. Then, I took a step back mentally to try to assess what had gone so wrong since my return to bowls. After I had a bit of a think, I realised what ultimately the problem was. The first thing was that I had always said I struggled with receiving coaching as I found it better when I worked out for myself what I needed to do.
So, since my return I have had about three separate goes at coaching, and each person gave me a different thing or things that they thought would help me. I realised that I was not being true to myself and was taking in such a lot of input, that basically my brain put the brakes on. Rather than learning from the well-meaning input of those more experienced than me, all the information just got jumbled together in my brain and I couldn’t work out what to do. So, last Saturday about half-way through, I thought to myself, “I think I will try just doing things how I used to before my operations”. And that is exactly what I did. I was amazed to see that there was almost an instant change in my game for the better. I realised then, that the person I needed to listen to was myself. That I needed to trust in myself and my ability to play a decent bowl. As soon as I got into the mindset of trusting myself, things just started to go right for me.
Today, I went for a roll-up with two of my friends, Sue and Margaret. I approached the session more confidently than I have felt in what feels like a long time. I trusted myself and I was rewarded with good bowls. There were still a few not so good ones, but they were the exception rather than the rule. I was delighted when my friend Sue said, “You’ve got your mojo back!” and I had to agree that I had. It’s so much nicer doing something if you feel you’ve done a good job of it!
Now here’s the other thing that I realised. I had talked myself into having more of a disability than I actually do. So much for living for today but planning for the future! Rather than that being a positive mindset, I had told myself that because of my knee operation I could not bend down far enough to do a normal step forward kind of action. I told myself that I needed to have a static stance because of balance issues. When I stopped listening to that in my head and just went for it, Sue actually commented that I had no trouble getting down and I had to agree.
Perhaps I was being overprotective of my knee and my back. But, whatever the reason, when I just went for it and decided not to overthink it, I just naturally was able to get down more than I ever thought I could. It was a bit of a revelation, that I was more able than I had thought I would be. I nearly wrote ‘should be’ and those that follow me know that I hate the word should!
So, the long and the short of it is.
Do what I said I would do and live in the moment.
Don’t project the future onto the present. Because I may not be able to get down and do a step forward sometime, doesn’t mean I can’t do it now!
Trust in myself and focus on the positives. I can play bowls. I can do it well. I can trust in my body once more. It is not my enemy. My enemy – if there is one – is me when I don’t trust in myself and I find myself spiraling into negativity.
I have my mojo back!
My journey with Parkinsons 