Being alone doesn’t have to = being lonely

Over the years with my husband I have learned that at times he needs to do his own thing and I do mine. Having lived in a very controlling relationship in my second marriage, this is a refreshing change.

Now my husband works shift work there are often weekends where I spend a lot of time on my own. It gives me the freedom to do things that would probably bore him rigid. The same goes for him. He is very happy with his own company and can watch cricket (yawn) and other programmes, that aren’t my cup of tea.

I remember years ago I knew a couple who seemed to do a lot by themselves and I thought that was strange for a married couple. Now, with a bit of life experience and personal experience I see it quite differently. I see it as a healthy thing to be able to have separate times away from each other, as long as we make time for each other.

With this diagnosis and with some recent knee problems this has become even more important. My husband needs to get some sort of exercise every day. At the moment till my knee is better I can’t join him as often as I would like to on his walks. Because we both understand each other’s needs I am quite happy for him to go out alone for his 3 hour walks!

I feel that with our history together if the time comes that I can’t walk very far, I will not fret too much if he goes out without me. For his physical and mental health he needs to be able to go for his long walks. If at some point he becomes more of a carer he will need to have strategies to unwind and destress. So, I encourage him to do what he needs to do.

By the same token I too need to develop ways of destressing and unwinding. My e-bike is one of those ways and I am perfectly happy going out on my own. I am starting to go back to the gym too. That is another way I can switch off and do something for myself.

My philosophy in life now is very much to make the most of now and to enjoy all the things my body allows me to do.

I can enjoy just being me on my own, but that doesn’t mean I don’t look forward to special time as a couple.

So, here I am alone listening to music in my spa pool.

Alone but definitely not lonely.