I suppose many of us would have some things that we do that others may see as a little strange. Some habits and preferences, that for some reason we need to have to be comfortable. I certainly do!
Here is an example of some of those things for me.
- The loo (1). When I worked at the hospital, I had a habit of using the same cubicle each time I needed to use the facilities. If I went in and someone else was in there, my mind would go, “… they’re in my loo!” I never felt right using one of the others, but obviously would have to if someone else was in mine!
- The loo (2). No matter where I am, even in someone’s home, I can’t stand it if the toilet roll is round the wrong way! It doesn’t matter if it is a public loo or someone’s home, I will have to change it to the end coming over the top. Running down the wall is not acceptable.
- The parking space. For the last year or two that I was working, I always parked in the same spot. If I arrived at work and someone was in it, or if I went out in my car and came back to find someone in my space, I was not a happy bunny, but had to suck it up and park elsewhere, but it felt wrong.
- The stationery nerd. I love a nice bit of stationery. Coloured post-it notes in a dispenser shaped like and apple were the only post-its I would use. The hospital only supplied plain yellow ones and they just weren’t up to my standard. I wouldn’t use a cheap pen that was supplied, I had a Parker pen that I used and struggled if I had to use a cheap one. Hated it. I would send emails out on occasion when I couldn’t find my Parker pen, much to other staff members’ amusement. The note pads provided were not good enough for me, so I purchased my own cool ones! Over the course of 13 years there, I hardly used a post-it or notebook or pen that was available for free care of my employer.
There are a few other things that I have that I’m not sure I should ‘out’ myself about, but just let’s say that I have had my husband and some others shake their heads when I give importance to something they think is trivial. LIKE FOLDING TOWELS THE WRONG WAY!
So, that’s a few of my habits, so now the second part which is routine. It is not that I don’t have a routine as such, I know that I did have some routines when I was working, but even that was fluid. I was able to pretty much be autonomous when it came to what time I had a cup of coffee, so I would go when I felt I needed it. Prescribed meal breaks where you could only go to lunch when someone else had returned from their lunch wouldn’t have worked for me.
I have always had a thing about being late. I absolutely hate being late for any meeting or appointment. I will be the person who will arrive chronically early for an appointment and sit and read a magazine or play a game, rather than getting to whatever it is on time. To me, to arrive at 1pm for a 1pm meeting, is being late! So, it used to drive me crazy when I had set meetings for patients and families and staff turned up last minute or late! So being early is what works for me.
The funny thing is, when it comes to timing of medications, I have been so fluid, it borders on being ‘lackadaisical’, which, when I read the description goes some way of finding a word that captures my previous attitude.
Here is one meaning that I found that fits
‘…when someone or something is lackadaisical, they are … apathetic, half-hearted, or just going through the motions…’
I would take my breakfast medications whenever I got up in the morning or when I sat down to eat breakfast. It could be any time from 5.30am to 9.00am, if I waited for my husband to get up if he had worked the night before. Then there was lunch and I had a bit of a wishy washy ‘sometime between 12.00pm and 1.30pm’ was when I would take my lunchtime meds. On occasions when I was particularly slack, I might have taken my lunch meds at 3.00pm! Then comes dinner, anytime from 6pm to 7.30pm and bed when ever I went to bed.
With my natural tendency towards being so finicky about other things, it is rather strange that taking my medication on time and within a more defined timeframe would be something I would have a ‘thing’ about. But, No! I managed since my diagnosis to have this rather free and easy, near enough is good enough attitude.
Fast forward to about a month ago. I found myself running out of steam when I went to bowls. The first game, usually about 1pm, I would be fine and have no physical problems playing. The second one, perhaps around 2pm, I started to feel really sluggish and realised this was likely to be that my body was not sufficiently medicated to manage to play that second game. It pulled me up short, actually because I think before I experienced this, that I was in a casual sort of ‘as long as I take them, the timing won’t really matter.’ At times that timing could be 1-2 hours later than indicated. I think in some ways, it was my way of being in denial that I actually needed them as much as I now know that I do. As long as I managed to get along on my laid back attitude to my meds, it meant that I wasn’t doing that bad. I’m sure I was thinking “I still function quite well and I’m not like others who have to be rigid” and actually having things start to unravel, was the key to my finally accepting the reality that I actually do have to be much more disciplined in my approach to when I take my meds. I do need them to function as well as I can. I have not – and probably never should have – done myself any favours by not adequately and appropriately taking my medications.
So, I have now turned a corner. I am much more disciplined in taking the meds I need to take as close as possible to the recommended times to do so. I might still have to tweak fifteen minutes or so – not much more – if I am travelling or otherwise somewhere where I need to find a space to take meds. In the main, however, I see a marked improvement in how I think. I know now that have to acknowledge that I need help to be able to function both physically and mentally. The help that I need to be able to do more is to accept that I do need them and that without a regular medication regime, my ability to engage in the activities I wish to will be increasingly difficult.
So some habits can be good and routine can be good too.
It just took me a while to accept how much I needed my meds. But eventually I had to face up to it. I sought help to increase dosage and set up times and timers on my phone to ensure that I have as steady a regime as I can manage. I know me being me, I will slip up from time to time. So, if I have a ‘why am I a bit stumbly at the moment’ and I realise that I forgot or took meds late, then there is my answer.
So, I now have to own that I do need my medications for optimum performance physically and mentally.
Not always easy, but I am sure there are others out there like me, who may be in a bit of denial and telling themselves they don’t really need the meds so much.
Medications have to be my friend now.
Because without them the spectre of Parkinson’s raises up and tries to conquer me, and that’s not going to happen!
