It’s an interesting question I think, ascertaining how the world sees us and how we view ourselves. The two viewpoints may be poles apart. Am I seen as elderly because I have grey hair? Is age or being elderly based on a number? Is 70 years of age elderly or is it 60 or 80? I have heard it said that “It’s not the years in your life that matter, it’s the life in your years that matter”.
So, perhaps it is how we function in our day to day lives that defines whether we – or others – perceive whether we are just ‘elders’ or ‘elderly’. I admit some days with my back still being a bit tweaky I feel like an old lady. Other days when things are going well, not so much.
Just having Parkinson’s and being 64 doesn’t necessarily make me old. I know that some will perhaps think of Parkinson’s as an old person’s condition. However, as evidenced by Michael J Fox – my hero – this condition can raise its ugly little head and make a takeover bid for our bodies at a very young age.
I will admit that having grey hair can be an advantage in some ways. Today I was feeling very weary, not sure why apart from the fact that it has been a very busy week. I took my 89-year-old uncle out for coffee and gelato, which is one of our favourite things to do. We sat next to a very chatty lady and were having a great old chat. Boy, can my uncle chat! Anyway, my uncle was saying something about being unable to do some of the things around the house now. Things like weeding the garden, even watering the garden being a bit of a pest and feeling he needs help with a few things. As he talked he expressed that he felt bad that others need to do things for him. Then I pointed out to him at 89 I feel he’s entitled to get a little help. He said something about not divulging his age to people. To this I replied “Well, if I was doing as well as you at 89, I wouldn’t be hiding my age, I would be bragging”. In some ways, I think he is doing better than I am!
After I dropped him off home, I had to go to Mitre 10, which is a big warehouse type place that sells tools, plants, outdoor furniture and lots of other stuff. Very broad ranging description, but you probably get the idea. Anyway, I needed to get some potting mix and compost for my tomatoes and decided to call in on the way home, rather than making a special trip to get some. I have been very tired this week as I have been busier than usual. Today was no exception.
So, I got to Mitre 10 and thought to myself that I was getting low on energy, and my back was starting to hurt. The thought of having to get a trolley, go into the gardening section outside, find someone to load the potting mix and compost on the trolley, then taking it to the checkout and asking for someone to load it into my car felt like a lot. So, I decided to stop at the service desk. After a bit of a wait, I was acknowledged by one of the younger staff and asked how they could help. I said that I needed a bag each of compost and potting mix and would need help to get it into my car. She then responded with “Well, if you go out to the gardening section…” To which I responded that I was hoping that I didn’t have to trek outside and then back again as I had a bad back and needed to rest and needed assistance. I requested that she see if anyone from that section could grab me the bags I needed – I knew exactly what I wanted – and bring it out to the counter, so all I had to do was pay and someone would also put the bags in my car. So, she made the arrangements. She even offered me a chair to sit on while I waited, which was needed.
So, I completed my purchase and had a young woman lift the bags into my car. As she lifted the bags, I thought to myself that it seemed not so long ago that I would have lifted them in myself. But ageing, common sense and my husband’s voice in my head all reminded me that with a recovering back and arthritis, I very wisely chose not to even try. The thing is, if I didn’t have the grey hair, I think it would be unlikely that I would have been able to persuade the staff to bring the product to me, rather than me having to trek out to get them myself. I have always been a very independent person and wanted to do most things myself but recognise that I now have to be mindful of my ageing body. Having Parkinson’s and arthritis, plus a few other issues means that I need to be open to help when others think it is needed and that perhaps I don’t always recognise it myself. My yardstick these days is “would my husband tell me off for doing this?” If the answer is yes, then I usually don’t do it. I was going to say “I won’t do it” but sometimes I might!!!
So, with age comes a certain amount of privilege, in recognising that I had my time of being the helper and now comes the age of being the helped.
I think at 64 years of age, I can – with some reluctance at times – deal with that!
My journey with Parkinsons 