Well, that’s a big word for so early in the day.
I am sitting here at 5.38am reflecting on recent events in my life. A lot seems to have happened in a short timeframe. I have used the word ‘catastrophizing’ several times recently and I will try to explain what it means to me.
I used that word when talking to my husband and he had not really been aware of it. It is a word that has been used in my work life as a social worker, mainly about people who have been patients in hospital. An example might be that a person is getting back to walking but lacks confidence to the point where perhaps they do not really want to try. This can spin out of control to ‘I’ll never walk again’ to ‘If I can’t walk, I’ll need a wheelchair’ to ‘if I need a wheelchair, I’ll need to go into a home..’ All this can be brought on by the simple act of getting out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other and accepting that progress might be slow. Staying in the moment and focusing on progress can help with this.
So, I’ve said to my husband that I am actively trying to avoid ‘catastrophizing’ when it comes to my bowls. I am not at the level I had been before all my adventures with my back, legs and knee when it comes to playing bowls. I have a body that is in recovery, and it is not the body I am used to. I have well-meaning team members trying to give me advice on many aspects of the game. I have been offered coaching by some of my club. I am certainly not short of offers of aid.
The thing is, in recent times over the past couple of months I have had two all day coaching clinics with one coach. I have had one on one coaching with another coach and I have had advice from other team members in my club. All very well meaning and helpful in many ways, but also potentially problematic. The thing is, every coach has their own way of doing things just as every player – myself included – has their own way of doing things. So, I sometimes feel there is a cacophony of voices all fighting for space in my head, all talking at once and it’s a challenge to know which ones to listen to.
When I am bowling, I am trying to be consistent. I sometimes have trouble maintaining my game and can go ‘off the boil’ especially if I am getting fatigued. I try to pause, breathe, refocus and then play, but sometimes I can’t seem to get it back to where I feel I should be.
So, avoiding catastrophizing is important, that I don’t let all the voices in my head takeover and then I decide I am never going to get this skill back and basically quit before I give myself a chance.
I have been guilty of catastrophizing in the past. I was telling my husband a wee example of this when I was with the children’s father. I recall I had cooked a meal and was doing the dishes – no dishwasher in those days – and I had asked him to come and help dry the dishes and had asked several times without getting a response. I started to berate him about not helping and somehow the next thing I knew it was all on. I went from telling him off for not drying the dishes – with a whole lot of other wrongdoings trotted out – to ‘and your mother never liked me…’
Totally over-reacting to the situation and ending up in a place I couldn’t have imagined the initial transgression leading to!
So, I have decided that I need to take a step back and try to pick out what works for me from all the advice I have been given. To consolidate what people have given me advice on and tailor it to me as an individual. In taking time out from the various coaching inputs and probably doing some practice on my own, I hope that I can come out of it with a solid plan of how to play this game of bowls.
Just like the patient I referred to earlier, I must learn to take one step at a time!
My journey with Parkinsons 