Working as a Social Worker for many years, there is of course terminology present and this can change over the years as thinking and research change. The world in which my parents brought us up was certainly a very different place. Words describing those of other cultures while a product of the times, would – and quite rightly so in some cases – be very much frowned upon in today’s world.
One word that cropped up frequently through the years is referring to someone as an ‘enabler’. Someone who supported the pursuit of unhealthy practices. This could be someone who, knowing that a person is saying they want to lose weight, frequently turns up with a cream bun. Or perhaps it is someone trying to give up alcohol and the other person pouring them a stiff drink amid cries of ‘it’s not good to drink alone …’ or ‘one drink won’t hurt you!’ I know all of us can probably look at ourselves and go ‘Hmmm, maybe I do that?!?’ But I am not talking about the odd slipup to try to cheer someone up that is struggling, this is someone regularly and deliberately undermining efforts by the other person to change. This has been especially obvious when working with very obese patients who are dangerously overweight and who basically needs to lose weight to stay alive, the risk is so great. When people bring in soft drinks and chocolate bars – often in bulk – knowing this is going to be detrimental.
The word, however, that I would like to talk about is people who ‘disable’ rather than ‘enable’ another person. I am in the somewhat unusual position – for me at least – that I have had excruciating pain, significantly reduced mobility and needing first a walker and then graduating onto a walking stick. From there, with a lot of work I have managed to now walk without any aids, apart from the odd ‘off road’ track which is more uneven and I will use walking poles. But, of course, many walkers particularly as they age are using walking poles these days.
I have said on many occasions that I was most fed up because Parkies has been so well behaved when it came to my mobility. No problem whatsoever, from my primary health issue when it came to walking. Then along came the back issue and before that my knee needing replacing. I felt that I was being robbed of my mobility much earlier than I should have been. I expressed fear that I would never get back to independently walking and that the loss of mobility due to back and knee issues might ramp up the Parkies and I would not improve.
I am fortunate, however, that my mobility is recovering well, but with some more time and exercise needed to increase my abilities and independence. I am more confident that I will recover to my previous level at least.
Imagine then, how I felt when it was suggested that I might need a ‘bowling arm’ to play bowls. First day back on the green for at least a year, first bowl I held in my hand and it was suggested I needed a bowling arm! Pardon me, but as a Social Worker and as a person my goal is to approach challenges in a positive light. In a belief that I will improve, and I need to be encouraged with that thinking. It is easy to catastrophize and think I will never get better, but I have over the last two months or so noticed for myself that I am improving week on week and getting ever stronger. To use equipment too readily, I feel would be a major step back and almost sending me a message that I will never recover sufficiently to play bowls without an item such as a bowling arm. My response was that it was far too early to go down that track. If, in the fullness of time I can recognise for myself that an aid of some kind is needed, then by all means bring it on! But, with a condition that will deteriorate over time, I am not rushing to use aids but am holding on firmly to the belief that I can do without them right now!
It is so easy to disable those of us who have a condition like Parkies. Perhaps it is out of kindness that people don’t want us to struggle with things? But, if they were to take a step back and think about it, they may realise that in the future there will be losses. In the future we may need help in a number of areas.
For now though, we need to be celebrated for things we can do.
Not actively ‘disabled’ by not supporting us to do as much as we can for ourselves.
The biggest ‘kindness’ that we can be given is help, support and encouragement to continue to do what we can to main our independence.
And, if you think we need help, please ask, don’t assume.
I, for one can be stubborn and resist any assistance, but with understanding I can usually be helped to realise that perhaps I need help after all.
It is all a big balancing act between disabling by taking things away we can do and perhaps enabling us to maybe do things that might be too risky.
It’s not easy for the person with Parkies or for those that support them.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7J1g60CSfY9FjBZH04yWOH?si=3i2O_9iHQVi8sKNxYtJdbg
My journey with Parkinsons 