Pain is a difficult thing to describe

For what seems like forever, I have had significant pain originating from my back but felt mostly with pain down both legs but predominantly my left leg. I cannot stand beyond what seems like seconds, but maybe in reality is about two minutes.

As someone who has a lot of pain in their life, this latest pain situation is difficult to manage and to make others aware of how difficult it is to live with. Because I have had a lot of pain in my life – and a lot of it would be classed as significant – I have developed a strategy of not attending to the pain. This is a strategy that I developed in discussion with pain management specialists. This means that while I acknowledge that I have pain, I am usually able to put that pain to the back of my mind and just get on with life. That usually works well with ordinary pain, but for excruciating pain that doesn’t work so well.

This strategy of mine doesn’t work so well when a health professional asks you to rate your pain on a scale of 1-10. I am sure many health professionals think I am being obstructive or maybe a bit slow, but years of not attending to pain makes it difficult to rank any pain that I might have.

The other issue that I have is that I have a high pain threshold. This can be useful at times, but also can work against me. Last week, I was working with my physio and he was doing an exercise where he held my leg up and stretched it. He asked me to tell him when I needed to stop. Because of my pain threshold, I let him push my leg past what might have been good for it. That night my legs were so sore, the sorest they had been for a long time. I take part responsibility for the outcome and need to make sure that I tell my physio to stop before it gets too sore.

Much as I know that I have a high pain threshold, this pain I have currently is becoming too much and going on too long and I am struggling to cope with it. I have described it as worse than childbirth, at the end of which you at least get a beautiful baby for all the pain. All I get from the pain is more pain!

Despite the raft of painkillers I am taking, the pain is often very hard to cope with. It never seems to lessen or go away. A short-term pain I am sure I could manage, but this feels never ending. The physio, my husband and my doctor all assure me this will go away one day. I am struggling to believe them. With the fact that I can’t even stand up unaided beyond a minute or two, I have trouble thinking it will ever change. The problem is also that the pain is so significant that any exercises to be done in standing are impossible because I cannot stand long enough to do them.

I’m afraid this is not the most positive of posts. I am not in a really positive mood right now and for someone who has had depression in their lives I can feel the beginnings of low mood.

I have strategies for that too, but we are seeing the doctor today and hopefully he will be able to help. I don’t feel I need any medications for depression, what I need is medication to make the pain go away, which is the only thing that will really help me to a more positive mindset.

I’ve always said I do my best to make this Blog real. I do no favours to myself or others if I pretend all is rosy when it is not! This journey is hard enough without having to cope with significant pain for weeks on end.

Hopefully the doctor will find a way to help me.

I am not afraid to ask for help when I need it.

I really need it right now.