Dependency and independence ‘acts of service’

At the moment, with my back injury affecting my legs, I can’t walk at the moment without a walker. It is difficult to accept that I need this currently. I am trying to have regular short walks with the walker so that I don’t stiffen up and affect my recovery.

Everyone I speak to Physiotherapists, Doctors, my husband all say that this is a temporary situation and that I will get back to walking independently without a frame of any sort. However, I have this niggling doubt in my mind that I will get back to walking unaided. The pain in my legs is still very high and even the best painkillers don’t seem to really touch the pain, so mobilising is painful. However, I also know that even though I have pain, I will need to continue to move or I won’t progress.

At the moment, while I am somewhat incapacitated, I am relying so heavily on my husband to do things around the house. I feel for him having to support me both physically and emotionally. It is difficult feeling that I can’t contribute and the responsibility for everything is on his shoulders.

Because I can’t physically do much at the moment, I decided to make a cake for him – which of course I will share – despite the pain the wracks my body at the moment. I managed to make the cake, with lots of breaks from standing and having to sit on my walker while pain subsided. Years ago a counsellor told me about a thing called ‘acts of service’ in a nutshell it is doing something for someone you love and is a way of saying I love you. So, the cake is my I love you in cake form. These acts of service can be anything. It can be my husband checking my tyre pressures. It can be making my breakfast for me. It can be texting me when he is on a walk without me so that I know where he is and don’t worry.

Lately, my husbands ‘act of service’ is all the things he does to support me, without complaint and without the need to say ‘I love you’ his actions truly do speak louder than words. That is what you need in a life partner when you have Parkies. Someone who doesn’t make you feel like a burden but supports you in every way you need with love. In return, I may fight my way through the pain to make him a cake from time to time and any other ways I can think of while I have physical limitations.

Dependency is a tough road to travel, when I am so independent by nature. I will continue to try to be as independent as possible. I know that at this time I need a lot of support, but soon – according to all the health professionals – I will be able to regain some independence and be able to do more things with and for each other.

It is difficult at the moment to find myself in this position and I will try to listen to everyone that tells me that it is a temporary issue.

I need to conquer this pain and this injury that affects my mobility.

With determination and rehabilitation I will triumph over adversity.