Substitutes, swaps and changes

I was thinking today about how we all have our own way of doing things, particularly when it comes to cooking a meal or baking. From my experience in my own family, there are those that have to follow a recipe to the letter and if they don’t have all the ingredients then they either go and buy them or don’t make the dish or baked item.

I am definitely someone who will think of a substitute so that I can use what I have on hand, don’t have to go out to grab ingredients and whatever I am making is usually close to the original. For example, if a recipe calls for maple syrup and I don’t have any I would use honey or golden syrup or maybe even brown sugar, as long as it is sweet it usually works out. I usually manage to find a work around.

So, too is life with Parkinson’s. There may be things that I would have done a certain way and now I need to find a different way of doing things. Today, I did some pruning in the garden predominantly of my roses. The garden that runs along the side of the house is a raised garden and a step stool or ladder is needed to climb up and tackle some parts of the garden. Previously, with not much thought attached I would have gone and got out the step stool or ladder and got on with the pruning and tidying climbing up and down and getting the job done.

The thing is this. My husband gets a bit nervous when I go to do things that require a ladder or stepladder. I am still reasonably confident that I can still safely get up and down on such equipment, but he prefers me not to. So, I have done my best to adjust my thinking and becoming a bit more risk averse. Because I know that I have slowed processing, it is probably also likely that I may have slower reactions when something goes awry eg. dismounting off a ladder and missing a rung…

One thing I try to remember is that perhaps I may feel more competent than I actually am – safely that is – and perhaps I need to take into account how my choices, if they are not wise ones could impact on others, most especially my husband. I’d hate to have a fall and have someone say to me that I shouldn’t have been on a ladder in the first place.

When I say I am more risk averse, it does not mean I have become totally dependent. I do endeavour to do as much as I can for myself but always with a little voice in my ear of ‘is it safe to do this?’

So, in the garden I will prune all the plants that I can from ground level that I can reach without standing on any kind of steps. My husband will do the ones I can’t reach. I may be OK to get up on the bank on a good day, but it’s all about risk minimisation.

In the kitchen if I need something heavy lifted in and out of a cupboard, I may be more inclined to ask for help than previously. We have some high cupboards I would have taken a step stool to get up to, but it is not worth the risk of falling off or missing a step on the way down.

I am still pretty independent and can do most things that I want to with minimal or no assistance, but I am trying not to be someone who stubbornly hangs on to that independence to the point where they are not safe.

I have often said that I am someone who likes to do things for themselves and that I have at times been quite put out when I have asked someone for help and they have not helped or do so reluctantly. Because I don’t like asking for help, I would hope that those who know me know that if I ask for help I really do need it and it’s important that they help. Any hint of whining or moaning when I ask for help does tend to upset me or at the least leave me feeling disgruntled. I would hope that those that I ask to help me do so with good grace.

So, whether baking, making a meal, or trying to find different ways of doing things around the home and in life in general, we need to have the ability to adapt or substitute or delegate to someone else perhaps.

As we go on this journey, I am sure there will be many things that we need to find a new way of doing, substituting or passing on to someone who has more capability than we do. It may not be easy, but it is bound to be necessary for everyone’s sake to be adaptable.

It can be hard to have to acknowledge that we can’t do some of the things we did previously, but isn’t that the same for all of us as we age?

So, find a substitute, a swap or pass it over to someone else.

Independence can’t mean that we have to do everything unaided, it means we must have an awareness of what we can do and where we need help.

As we go on we may need to pass on more tasks, but every job needs a good foreman/woman/person.

So look for ways to substitute or modify the things in life that become challenging.

Asking for help in my book is not a weakness. Far from it, it is a strength to know when we need help and to ask for it.