Tough love

I started writing another post about love, but then these thoughts came to me instead. Sometimes love is not about the sweet and loving words someone speaks to you. Sometimes love is about saying things that are confronting and difficult. This can be especially true of those who love people in the various stages of Parkinson’s.

My friend and workmate showed her love and care for me, by telling me something I definitely did not want to hear. She told me that – as I had made her promise to do – I was slipping cognitively at work. I know that I have referred to this in a previous post, but thought it warranted a bit more discussion.

This friend and I have worked together for a few years now. We worked closely and she was always telling me that she admired my depth of knowledge and would talk through cases with me regularly. I have never had a high regard for my skills myself, having suffered from ‘a crisis of confidence’ on many occasions. Sometimes, perhaps we are too hard on ourselves when we are probably managing pretty well considering our condition.

She took me aside one morning and told me things she had been noticing. Even before she began to speak, I could see she was struggling. I think it was harder for her than it was for me.

But, this tough and loving talk was the biggest favour and the kindest and most loving thing she could have done.

Fast forward about a month and I am now happily retired. Do I miss work? Not really. I may miss my workmates from time to time, but all in all being out of a stressful job is the best thing I could have done for myself. Perhaps I would not have taken that step if she hadn’t shown the bravery needed to put this in front of me, for that I will be eternally grateful. I have thanked her many times for giving me the gift of being able to let go of my life at work and embrace life without it.

I know that there will be many more conversations to be had in the future that may be challenging. I only hope that they are managed with the grace and goodness of my workmate and that I can accept them and be guided by them.

Sometimes the best gift we can be given is the truth, even if it is hard to hear.