Tonight was my night to go to my Aquasize class. I have been going now for about a month and there are things that I still struggle to do. Tonight, I felt that there were quite a few things that the instructor was telling us to do that I either (a) didn’t quite understand what she was wanting or (b) just plain struggled to do it.
I looked around and most people seemed to be getting it. Feelings of sadness at being the only one not fully understanding and being able to do things properly, started to crop up. I managed to pull back those feelings and get on with things, but tonight felt like a bit more of a struggle.
Maybe it’s a speed of processing thing with my Parkies, but I felt that I was lagging behind in getting the gist compared with the others. At times my left side felt like it was not able to engage fully when required.
I know that this is good for me, but I hate to not be good at things. It’s a pride thing I guess, but I tend not to want to do things that I feel I can’t do a really good job of. I went to the instructor after the class and said I was still struggling. She was very encouraging and said that most of the class had been coming for a long time, some of them for years. She also said that some of the moves are quite advanced and that I was doing well for someone just starting. She knows that I have Parkinson’s – a requirement of attending is to divulge any medical issues – and she agrees it is good for my coordination and encouraged me to keep at it.
I went into the changing rooms and there is a lady who always chats to me who is really nice. I was saying that I was finding it hard and she too was very encouraging. I found myself telling her about my diagnosis and she was very sympathetic. I want people to understand me and why maybe I have challenges with these things. I suppose it’s a bit of a pride thing. I would rather they know I have difficulties partly because of my Parkinson’s, not because I am useless!!
Life is a challenge with this condition. Things will be hard at times. Aquasize is hard at times, but I don’t want to quit and let Parkies score a victory over me!
So, I’ll be there in the pool next Wednesday, giving it my best shot, being uncoordinated and confused at times, but the main thing is that I don’t give up on myself!