As I am sure many of us do, I have been very guilty of harking back to what my husband and I used to do together. Walking in the Port Hills, here in Christchurch was a favourite and we could walk for 4-6 hours sometimes, with a break for lunch to admire the gorgeous views.
So, for a long time now I have been asking my husband “Will I ever be able to get back to walking in the hills do you think?” His answers have been bordering on the ‘non-committal’ side of the ledger and perhaps he was right to do so.
This morning, I read an entry in a Facebook group for people with Parkinson’s and their support people/partners etc. In the entry the author spoke of spending a lot of time and energy in trying to get back to where they were before Parkinson’s darkened their door. They felt that this put a very negative light on their lives as it was focussing on deficits not achievements.
I admit I have been very much that way, thinking about what I can no longer do, rather than what I can. Wanting to get back to things like walking in the hills, which I last did at least 10 years ago and maybe even longer than that. I think as we age, we all hanker for the fitness of our youth and that is probably natural. But, looking back with rose tinted glasses at how fit we were may actually not be a true representation of how we were or weren’t as fit as we thought. These things are all relative and compared with a body that is 10-15+ years older in some cases, even without Parkinson’s in the mix striving for some goals can be unrealistic and lead to a negative attitude to where we are now.
The author of the piece talks about focussing on the here and now.
I love this quote from him, “My life today doesn’t need to look like my life before Parkinson’s to still be a damn good life. In some ways it’s harder. In some ways it’s stranger. In some ways it has taken me places I never would have chosen.
But it’s mine.
And I’ve stopped grading it against a version of myself who no longer has to live it.
TODAY’S DEFIANT TRUTH:
Stop trying to become the person you were before life changed. Build something worth living with the person who survived the change.
That’s not giving up on your old life.
That’s finally giving your current one a chance.”
Very wise words to live by. Letting go of the expectations that we will somehow, someday get back to where we were is for most of us unrealistic. For me, I may not be able to walk for hours in the Port Hills, but I can swim. Before Parkinson’s I hadn’t really given swimming much of a go. It is something I now do three times a week. It helps give me exercise and build my stamina. It also gives me social opportunities. At least half of my time is spent socialising – after I have done the lengths I can manage on the day – and I go and join my ‘floaty friends’ who bob about with noodles and floaty belts and have a good old catch up, while still going some exercises. I would not have bothered to try and make friends previously, however, I know that moving forward I will need friends and support.
So, from now on I will try to focus on my current strengths and build on them. I will continue to exercise – predominantly in the pool – by swimming, but also by going for walks with my husband. Walks that are realistic and achievable, not walks that my 30 year old self could do, but walks that this 65 year old me can aspire to and keep those aspirations achievable, not pie in the sky idealist nonsense, that I cannot achieve.
We all still have some skills, I’m sure.
Look for those skills.
Practice them and you may just surprise yourself how able you may actually be!
Here’s a link to my podcast. I hope you check it out.
My journey with Parkinsons 