I am a 64 year old woman with Parkinson’s, married to my third husband and very happily so. My first husband was the father of my three children and we separated and ultimately divorced when they were all quite young. We had some challenging years ahead of us, some ill feeling on both sides which went on for far too long. It wasn’t until our eldest son passed away suddenly that we learned to move on from the past and to support each other and our remaining two children. We also needed to identify as his parents and acknowledge each other’s grief. He has moved on some years ago now and has a lovely partner who is good to our adult children and our grandchildren.
My three marriages could not have been more different. But there is one thing that for me reminds me constantly that I am with the right person. That thing is never having to worry about whether my husband would mistrust my relationship with other men I associate with.
Let me explain.
My second husband was a man full of suspicion and mistrust. I worked for a time in a radio station in Wanganui, doing some on-air stints, but also writing advertisements for radio. I worked closely with the creative director bouncing ideas off each other and recording ads. Of course, with the two of us working closely together and sharing an office, I would come home and would start talking about my day. In talking about my day, much of the telling of the events of that day would obviously include talking about Bert, my co-worker and the creative director for the station. This became problematic, because the ex-husband would make comments like, “You talk about this Bert a lot. What’s going on?” and other statements that meant that I found myself having to explain that it was purely a working relationship and nothing was going on. However, it soon became obvious that any mention of Bert’s name would end up with another jealous inquisition. So, the only way to manage was to not talk about my day. Therefore, I avoided saying Bert’s name and getting into another round of accusations and denials.
Fast forward then to my husband, the third and definitely third time lucky. I have said to him on many occasions how much his trust is important to me. Now that I have joined the bowling club, there are obviously both men and women in the club. There are a couple of guys who are really nice and helpful, and I enjoy the odd chat maybe while waiting for my turn to bowl or sitting having an after-match drink. I come home from bowls and tell my husband about my day, and he asks questions about how I bowled today, did I enjoy myself and what might be coming up for me. He has never asked me why I talk about any of the men I happen to play with or against. He never reads into any conversation anything other than I enjoyed playing on the same team with them or perhaps playing against them. It may seem a simple thing, but having lived for years with a husband who was suspicious of any man I mentioned, it is so nice to feel I can have a normal conversation with my husband. I never feel the need to lie or not mention someone by name and why should I?
It is so refreshing to be able to come home from bowls or anywhere and mention people I have spent time with and not have to worry whether he might think there was something going on. To be able to tell him the truth about my day and not edit it, removing any mention of other men. I had had that for so many years and I often think after telling my husband about my day, how nice it is to just talk and not worry about a negative reaction. We have enough going on with my health and in our lives, without finding things to worry about or suspect that aren’t there. I need a strong supportive man and that I have finally found.
In this Parkinson’s life which we lead, none of us need unnecessary stress in our lives. We need love and support and a listening ear. We need to know we are trusted and supported. I couldn’t have got through half of the things I’ve got through without my husband. Through thick and thin we have shared the ups and the downs of life. We are there for each other and I know and trust that we always will be.
I am so glad my husband found me.
They say third time lucky.
And that is so true.
My journey with Parkinsons 