Like most people, I have found that I can be quite competitive in some ways. I have never been very involved in sport and never considered myself ‘sporty’. There have really only been two sports I have played that I was even slightly good at and that was hockey when I was 16 and bowls when I was about 24. Thinking about these two experiences I think it has finally answered the question of ‘who am I competing against?’ The somewhat surprising answer is, myself!
Perhaps it is because my sporting achievements are very few, but I do remember that I was doing OK in both those sports. Now, I will never get back to playing hockey, but I have just returned to playing bowls. The last time I played bowls was over 40 years ago and yet, I find myself thinking that I should be better at bowls now because I was then! As I type this and as I think about that thinking process, it does seem rather absurd! Who of us, in taking up an activity or sport after 40 odd years would be able to play at the same standard at 64 as they would have at 24? Not many, I’m sure.
But, adding to this the fact that not only am I older, but have Parkinson’s, Arthritis, have had a knee replaced and am recovering from a back operation just over six months ago. So, it really is a nonsense to expect that I would be any better than I am when I have only returned to playing bowls about three weeks ago. I am not very good at being gentle with myself and having realistic expectations of myself.
This is where writing this blog does really help me. In trying to figure out how to convey what I am feeling, there is often a ‘lightbulb moment’ and that moment is the realisation that I have had the expectation that the bowler that I am at 64 should be able to be as good as the bowler I was at 24. Now that is totally unrealistic!
What I need to do is to work on my game now, acknowledge that I don’t really know how good I will be, but that I will in all likelihood improve with practice. To be kind to myself and try to enjoy the game and learn from any mistakes I make. I have been known to say in the past, “If you learn from your mistakes, I should be a genius by now!”
Here is my podcast on the same topic, with a bit extra in the way of musings that you might enjoy.
My journey with Parkinsons 