Like most people born in the 50’s, 60’s and perhaps the 70’s, manners were drummed into me from the earliest age. We were taught to respect our elders and those in authority and always, always, say please and thank you. If I stayed at someone’s house, I was to say, “Thank you for having me!”
The reason for this preamble is that today, in a subtle way I was accused of being rude and lacking in manners. To a child brought up with the importance of manners, it surprised me that I should be thought of in such a way. However, the young man in question as he gave way for me to go through the door, said, “You’re welcome!” in a loud voice, obviously a comment on my not thanking him for his courtesy.
Normally, I would always acknowledge such an act with a polite “Thank you!” but today, my back was sore, I had gone to take something back to a store to exchange and realised I had grabbed the wrong bag from the car. So I had to walk back again to swap them over and then take the right item to the shop. It was on my second trip back to the shop with the correct item, that I encountered this young man. I was distracted by having to make the trip twice, my back was hurting and I was feeling hassled. It was all about how I was feeling in that moment. The fact that he gave way to me dimly registered but it was too late and I was too far past him to make amends.
The point of this is that it got me thinking about how sometimes we can all make judgements without having the full picture. I have a Disability Parking Permit issued to me because of my back and knee problems and also because I have Parkinson’s and it lasts for 5 years. I am recovering well from my operation and my previous knee surgery, but both play up often enough that parking closer to where I am going is sometimes very welcome when I quickly end up in pain. However, once moving at times I look like I am walking pretty well. There may be people who look at me and perhaps think I don’t need it. On a good day perhaps, I don’t. But on a not so good day, that bit of walking I don’t have to do from across the carpark to the store is a bit of walking I can do in the supermarket before the pain hits. I knew someone once with early stage dementia and she had a Mobility Parking Permit because of her memory. She was very mobile at the time and didn’t need aids of any sort. But, if she didn’t park where she could immediately see her car she had the potential to wander round for quite some time before she could find it. This in turn would cause her distress and embarrassment. So, her permit was absolutely needed.
Many people only see the movement disorder part of Parkinson’s and don’t realise there is a cognitive element too. It may have been my slowed processing that meant by the time I processed the fact that the young man was giving way, he was past me and disgruntled by my lack of manners! Would it have been a good idea to go and explain myself? I’m not sure it would have been.
This is just a gentle reminder that young, old, disabled or in full fitness, we all have things going on in our lives that are often not obvious to others. We might be in pain and frowning because of it and those that see us think we are just in a bad mood and judge us accordingly. We may not answer a question immediately because our brain is still catching up on the information provided – or what we could absorb – and it is taking longer to formulate a response. However, the lack of a response could be misconstrued as rudeness and not listening. There could be too much going on around us and it could be overwhelming and we need to leave the room. It’s not perhaps that we don’t want to be in a family gathering, it might just be that our brain needs a little respite amongst the busy gathering.
So, I would like to say “Thank you” to all of you who follow this blog. It does actually mean a lot to me as I hope by writing it I can help others with Parkinson’s and those who care about them. I appreciate everyone who follows my story and hope you will continue to do so.
So, “please” I would also love it if you had a listen to my podcast. I enjoy doing it and I feel it is good to hear from another Parkie about how things are going for them. I have a couple of really good interviews on very useful topics for us all. So, it’s not all just my voice and my thoughts.
The podcast can be found on Spotify podcasts, Apple podcasts, pocketcast and Youtube. It is ‘My Journey with Parkinson’s”
I look forward to sharing more as you follow me.
My journey with Parkinsons 