It would be easy to give up!

Since the beginning of August I have had permanent pain caused by my back. The pain, however, is primarily in my left leg. At the beginning and for some time, I would have described the pain as excruciating. It has had some improvement but

has only really improved to the extremely painful status at times and the very painful at best.

So, that will soon be three months of constant pain. The pain can shift about a bit and be down one leg for most of the time and then the other leg will join in the party and joy oh joy, I now have a set of extremely or very painful legs.

I have been using a walker since the beginning of August and even getting up from sitting whether it is sitting on the walker or from a chair to transfer into the seat on my walker the pain is always there. When I get up from sitting on the walker, I stand up and a vicious pain rips through my legs but most markedly in my left. I have to stand next to a bench or something sturdy that I can both hold onto and bend over a bit for the pain to pass. When I need to sit and rest on the seat of my walker, I have to steel myself for the moment when I need to stand. When I get up from the couch, or the loo the same thing happens with a rush of pain down my left leg, but sometimes the right one joins in and we have a pain inflicting duo.

Some days the pain is not too bad, meaning it might just be very painful – which is as good as it gets – but others the pain is constant and difficult to handle. I said to my husband today, ‘I can see why someone in this situation would give up and just use a wheelchair all the time. It would be so much less pain in my life!’ He recoiled in horror and encouraged me to keep fighting and do my best to keep walking. I know he is right and that is basically my philosophy too.

It’s just that it really hurts.

So much, I just want it to stop.

There seems no end in sight.

It is hard…