All of me….

As I have said on more than one occasion, my diagnosis has significantly changed my outlook on life in many ways. It has made it so important to try to be the best version of me that I can. To give of myself to others that I care about in my personal life and to be the best that I can be in my work as a Social Worker too. In this way, I feel that Parkinson’s has blessed me with the insight to know what is important in life.

Because of this I have involved myself in things that mean I put myself out there in a public way in so many ways. I have been interviewed by international Parkinson’s associations. I have been in the local newsletter for the MS & Parkinson’s Society. I have – together with a fellow Trustee for a Trust that supports vulnerable people – been on radio talking about what we do as a Trust.

Last week I recorded a Podcast with someone who wanted to talk to me as someone making a difference in their community. We also talked about the Trust that I am a part of, but a lot of the conversation was about getting to know me as a person and what lead me to be the person I am today. He started right from my childhood and my influences through life and the decisions I made along the way. One of the decisions I felt that I had to make was whether I divulged that Parkinson’s is part of my life. I had some hesitation at first, but like all the other things that have happened in my life, I decided that I could not put forward an authentic portrait of who I am if I did not include my Parkinson’s in the conversation.

I do not talk about my ‘condition’ with those I work with as patients and their families. I am, however, very open with the other professionals I work with about my diagnosis. However, when you make the choices I have made to be interviewed, to put myself out there, there is the risk that this condition could easily become public knowledge. By utilising social media in the ways that I have, I have made myself available to anyone who chooses to put my name into a search engine. If that means people find out about my having Parkinson’s so, be it. I feel now that the diagnosis that I have does not define me, but it also influences my decisions and how I live my life. I feel I cannot deny its existence in my life any more than other things that have brought me to this point.

I am the sum of many parts. The parts of me influenced by my upbringing, my place in the family as the youngest child and only girl. The Catholic faith in which I was brought up, but no longer practice. The relationships I have had over the years and my life as a Mother, Wife, Nanna and Sister and many other relationships both personal and professional. Even negative experiences I have had, I have chosen to take the positive from them and to grow as a consequence. I know that I am stronger now than I have ever been because I have overcome so much in life to get here and be the person I am today.

But just because I feel stronger, it does not mean that I don’t struggle from time to time. This life of mine can be tough. Dealing with a difficult and progressive condition such as Parkinson’s and adding to the mix the progressive condition of arthritis, it can at times feel a bit too much. But, by acknowledging that it is tough and knowing when to reach out for help I know that I can get through.

None of us needs – or can be – tough and brave and fearless all the time. We just need to be real and honest with ourselves and knowing when we need support is sometimes the bravest thing we can do.

Life is not all sunshine and lollypops. But we can bask in the glow of the good things that we do have and the sweetness of a life shared with those who care about us.