I am now following two Facebook pages for people with Parkies and those that support them. The most recent one seems to have more comments by people who are struggling. Whether it is the person with the condition or those who support them, so many seem to be finding it tough.
Then I read of someone diagnosed for only about 3 years and already they are starting to fall and deteriorate. Then there are some who have managed for 20 years and seem to still be doing ok.
Much as I try not to, I find myself thinking how long have I got? How long will I live? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? Will I see my grandchildren grow up?
We are going on a UK trip for 9 weeks next year. I am excited about it, but also a bit concerned. Will I be up to walking the Yorkshire Dales? Will I be confined to walking around town shopping? Will my husband let me try, or will he not have the confidence to let me lest I fail? Will I let my husband down? Will I be a burden and ruin the trip for him? Will this be our last trip? Will this be the last time I see our UK family?
So much is unknown. At times I can’t help but be frightened for my future. When will I start to have falls? How long can I continue to work?
There are days when I can focus on the here and now and there are days when fear of the future grips me and I have to try to shake it off.
The future feels very frightening sometimes. All I can do is acknowledge these feelings and try to focus on living each day as well as I can.