I feel I am ‘nesting’ a bit at the moment. Trying to do as much as I can around the house and yard to make it how we want it. To create a haven here in our new home. I have been water blasting and painting most of the weekend.
The painting I have been trying to do is to paint a fence in the backyard. I had forgotten how long these things take – or perhaps they just take longer now – and I felt that I was spending a lot of time just to paint one fence panel. To top it off, the paint soaked in so much, it didn’t even look like I had painted it at all!
I felt quite despondent looking at what looks like a vast expanse of fence and thinking that I will never be able to paint it all. I also couldn’t reach the top of the fence and got my step ladder out. Then, I stopped and thought about the idea of standing on the step ladder to paint the bits I couldn’t reach. I had visions of Sue climbs step ladder – which is standing on a stony bit of garden – and Sue falling off step ladder. The thought of yet another ‘Sue falls, is hurt, is at another after hours doctor visit’ overcame my foolish notion of climbing that step ladder!
But, I felt disheartened. I felt I ‘should’ (my least favourite word) be able to paint the fence all by myself. The pressure to do so is purely pressure that I put on myself. It is not coming from anyone else. My husband came home and I was a bit down and I told him how fruitless my efforts seemed to be today.
As always, he was very understanding. So, together we have agreed (a) I will do what I can, when I can (b) I will only do the bits that I can do safely at ground level (c) I will not put time pressure on myself, or anyone else to get this task done and finally (d) we bought some paint with more coverage, so that when I paint the fence it will be with the satisfaction that I have actually achieved something worth doing. Oh, and (e) my husband might do some if he has time along the way and will do the high bits, as he doesn’t need to stand on steps!!
So, another life lesson learned. Do what I can and be proud of what I achieve, even though it may be less than I might have done previously. Accept help when it is offered. Be safe at all costs!
Stubborn independence is one thing.
Sheer bloody minded refusal to accept help when it is needed is another!
My journey with Parkinsons 
A great time of learning! Great share.
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Thank you. Yes, there is so much learning and growth as a person for me with this journey. I think it has brought forth an inner strength I never fully knew I possessed.
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Cheryl often has that “sheer bloody minded refusal” — most times I let her go for a bit and shoulder in and help her anyway. And then I disappear. She has much of her mom in her. Her mom never wanted to put anyone out. Cheryl used to tell her mother, “There is grace in accepting help from others, Mom.” Occasionally I use these same words with Cheryl. 🙂
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Sounds like you are doing a great job. It must be difficult for you to watch her struggle and wanting to help. I know for myself, that I don’t want my husband to jump in too soon, but I try not to let me pride stop me from holding up my hands and saying I need help. Sometimes doing things together as a team can help.
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