I have been spending a lot more time with some of the elders in our little clan in recent times. This couple have been together for most of their lives and one of the few couples I know who aren’t on the second, or – as is my case – third time round in marriage. Watching them together, I see myself and my husband in them, as they are close but also enjoyed sitting in separate rooms just pootling about with puzzles etc. Now one of them is in hospital and those of us that care for them both are looking out for them and ensuring that the husband is OK – or as OK as he can be – while his wife is in hospital.
It has made me think about how we all have our own self-image, our version of who we are which may not always tally with how others see us. I suppose right from the time we are born until we pass from this life, there will be someone who has an opinion on what we should or should not do. As a teenager, you are told you are too young to drive, to drink, to have sex and do all manner of things that the teen thinks they are plenty old enough for. At the other end of the scale, our adult children might think we are too old to drive, to drink, to have sex etc!
But beyond the usual daily tasks there are some things that can require some negotiation as we age. Climbing a step stool to get at a high cupboard is on the list of ‘No No’s’ according to my husband and others. Myself, I think if I was careful, I could probably manage, but for the sake of peace I will disturb my husband to get to that top shelf. I always check in with him if he thinks I am OK driving and so far we are in agreement that I am still good. With having just bought a lovely newish car I am very happy about that.
Today, ironically, I was tidying my study and went to walk out of it, when I tripped on a pair of shoes that I thought I could just step over. How wrong I was! I went flying, screeched and landed hard on my newly replaced knee! There was my very concerned husband at my side making sure I hadn’t done any real damage. However, it did spark a mini lecture on trip hazards in my study! As I sat there wondering if I was safe to get up, I pointed out to him that perhaps letting me assess whether I was OK and up off the floor first, might be a better time to give me a lesson in hazards! Thankfully, I am OK. My artificial knee has lived to tell the tale, with maybe a bit of a bruise. It’s been a bit ‘clunky’ today, but other than that seems no major harm done.
So, for all of us, old or young we may have quite a different view of ourselves than the way others see us. For the sake of our dignity both old and young need to be part of a discussion on what may need to be negotiated in terms of risk. It is not possible to have a life completely devoid of risk. If it were it would be a boring old life indeed. For someone who did a tandem sky dive for her 50th, I know that the risk of doing so was acknowledged but I literally threw myself into it, for the experience of a lifetime. Perhaps I should revisit it for my 65th in a few years time? Maybe others might like to join me….
So, whether you are negotiating with a stubborn young or older person, the important thing I think is to discuss and respect each other’s views and hopefully, somehow come to an agreement that both sides can agree on.
My journey with Parkinsons 