What lies hidden?

This week, myself and two of my friends had an unfortunate event occur, where a person became verbally abusive and angry towards us, but more personally with my friend ‘M’.

I won’t go into all the ‘ins and outs’ but suffice it to say that the person concerned showed a level of anger and aggression towards us, that was completely disproportionate to the supposed ‘crime’ that had been committed. In the end, all three of us left as we could not remain in that place and did not wish to have any more interaction with that person.

I had been steaming over the treatment we received ever since the situation arose. But, taking a step back and reasoning through, I wondered what might be behind it. It is easy to take a person’s actions at face value and yes, we were assaulted verbally and insulted by the way we were treated. However, I took a step back yesterday – the Social Worker in me – and wondered what might be behind it all.

None of us can truly know what is happening in another person’s life. What might be behind their actions, may be something that has nothing to do with – on the surface of it – the action/reaction that is exhibited. How many of us has had something happening in our lives which throws off our equilibrium and can spill over into behaviour that would not normally occur? Having had some bad news or something deeply upsetting occur, perhaps our ability to interact with others in a rational manner may be affected. I know I have been guilty at times of snapping at someone when I am feeling under pressure – especially in my work life as a Social Worker in health – and having to apologise for my tone, my words or my actions. All of these things may be rooted in a situation that has nothing to do with the person who gets a short sharp answer from us, or who we don’t have the energy to talk to at that moment in time.

This person has – I’m told – been challenging in their manner in more than the one incident we were involved in. I wonder if anyone has ever sat down with them, to find out what may be behind the behaviour?

While we have complained about the behaviour and feeling justified in doing so, I have also now voiced my concern at what may possibly be impacting on that behaviour for the person concerned.

Perhaps the incident, which was deeply unpleasant and our complaint regarding it, may be an opportunity for someone to get alongside the person concerned and maybe get them help if they need it.

I am consciously trying to model an attitude of kindness towards others these days. I am doing so, because there seems sometimes to be a lack of kindness and caring in interactions these days. Simply asking someone how they are and actually wanting to know – not just a throwaway ‘how are you’ – can be the first time that person has been spoken to in kindness. Hopefully, by modelling an attitude of kindness, I and others may receive kindness and openness in return.