I remember many, many years ago when my children’s paternal great grandmother passed away. My children were very young at the time and so was I, being in my early twenties. I might even have had just my eldest son. Anyway, the great grandmother passed away and I was asked by my then mother-in-law if I wanted anything from the house. I said that I didn’t, but she insisted that we go round and have a look. The family grapevine had been in fine fettle, with stories of disagreements over who took the couch, the fridge, the television etc. This was the main reason I didn’t want to go round, as I did not want to be involved in any kind of squabbling about who wanted what. But, to appease my mother-in-law I went around to the house with her. Prompted to have a look at what I might want, I spied in the sun room some pieces of crockery. Obviously, the relatives had claimed and removed the cabinet they had inhabited. So, these lost souls of crockery sat unwanted in the sunroom. I went over and spotted – quite literally – a spotted cup, saucer and plate and next to it, a small coronation glass from when Queen Elizabeth was crowned Queen. I pointed them out and said, ‘I will take these, but only so that I can say to my children that they belonged to their great great grandmother.” I was prompted to look around, but stood firm and refused to join the relatives circling round trying to grab things before someone else did!
That brings me to my situation. I have collected a few things over the years including some nice bud vases. One day, just out of the blue, when my grandchildren were at my home, I asked my granddaughters if they might like to choose one to keep. They each chose a vase they liked and it felt nice to give them something they would enjoy having and to think of them thinking of me every time they looked at it. The reason I wanted to do this, might have stemmed a bit from the experience at Nanna’s place as above. But, it was also so that they weren’t having to choose things when they were grieving and having chosen earlier the vases would not have the sad memory attached.
Yesterday, we had a small family gathering partly as an early celebration of my 65th birthday this week, but also because we have our six year old grandson visiting and he wanted to see his cousins. I have been going through my jewellery box recently looking at things I haven’t worn in a while and consciously trying to wear them more often. Looking through, I found a number of broaches that I had collected over the years and used to wear a lot when I worked. Now that I am no longer working, I don’t really have occasion to wear them. As one of the girls has a school formal coming up, I thought it might be nice to see if there was anything in the jewellery box she might like to wear. We found a couple of things and I gifted them to her. Her twin sister and Mum (my daughter) were also here, so I gave a couple of things to each of them. I wanted them to be able to choose now, not after I am no longer here, so the gifting of the items they chose was done on a day we were happy to be together, not on a sad day because I was no longer around. My grandsons – if their parents agree – can also have something if they choose when they are next here.
I feel happy knowing that they have chosen items from my jewellery box with a happy memory attached rather than choosing blindly in grief.
Doing this has made me happy, knowing they will get to use the items which otherwise might languish in the jewellery box for perhaps another twenty years or so. Far from being pessimistic or morbid, giving them joy by passing over my trinkets makes me feel happy.
As in most things, I choose my path and what is right from me and I enjoyed having that moment with my girls.
My journey with Parkinsons 