Today I spent a few hours in the company of my youngest grand daughter, who turns 12 in about two weeks’ time. She was telling me about the things she would like to do for her birthday and gave me a few ideas of what that might look like. Her Mum has agreed that she can have an activity and then we all go out for dinner.
The things she talked about were:
- Going to an arcade and playing arcade games.
- Going go karting.
- Going kayaking or canoeing on the Avon River.
These were the main things she wanted to choose from. She then asked me if I could do any of these activities. I told her that I could do the arcade games, but probably badly. The others were a no go. Perhaps if I had help to get into a go kart I might be able to do it, but getting out would probably be twice as hard as getting in. The same goes for the kayaking and canoeing, it would be an impossibility for me to be able to go kayaking or canoeing. As we talked, she indicated that she might have to think of something else to accommodate me. However, I said to her that if there were things that would be fun for her to do, I didn’t want her missing out because I wasn’t physically able to join in. I encouraged her to pick something she would enjoy and I would happily be on the sidelines or could just join for dinner. Eating is not a problem!!
We were chatting about her birthday on our way to go Opp Shopping and the process of Opp Shopping and considering what I could or couldn’t join in got me to thinking. When it comes to Opp Shopping at nearly 12 years old, she is fast approaching puberty. She is not quite a child, nor a teenager and definitely not an adult. So Opp Shopping can be difficult because she is too big for the children’s section and often the ladies section are too big for her. She is neither a child in a lot of ways and not a teenager. She is betwixt and between. So, we spent our time together buying pretty little things for her bedroom and we have shifted our focus to that kind of thing, because it doesn’t matter how old she is, if she likes something we can buy it for her.
Then there is me. It was only perhaps five years ago, that I would have been able to get in and out of a go cart, or for that matter my husband’s very low open top sports car. I could perhaps have gone kayaking or canoeing or even ten pin bowling. However, I know that these are things that I can no longer do. I feel like I am betwixt and between myself. I am not yet a pensioner – although I have given up work a year ago – and I am not able to work, but soon I will be able to go back to volunteering for a few hours a week. When I turn 65 next year, I will officially be a pensioner. I look at all these things that I can’t do and it really has all happened in the past five years or so. Part of me likes to think that I can do these things, but logical me knows that I can no longer do them. A lot of the time I don’t feel like I am 64, but sometimes when I realise the things that I can’t do I feel older.
I am not usually one to dwell on things that I can’t do. I am usually one to focus on and appreciate what I can do. There is so much that I can do, like cooking a nice meal, starting to go for reasonable walks again, going to aqua jogging three days a week. I can drive, I can still write this blog and my poems. It is a natural part of the aging process, however, to find that some things are in the past and to need to accept that. I am thinking of these things now because of my granddaughter’s list and the realisation that sometimes now I will need to sit on the sidelines.
So, my granddaughter and I are both betwixt and between, but we can both enjoy what we can do and there is much that we can still do together. I am still a pretty good baker and I have agreed to make her a birthday cake. However, she wants to decorate it herself, probably with a bit of help from her Nanna. So, I shall be descending upon her home with a chocolate cake and enough edible glitter, frosting, piping tools, sprinkles and everything shiny and sparkly that I have in my kitchen to make a crazy, sparkly, cake for her birthday.
Now that is something I can do!
And it’s something that she can do with me!
So, between the two of us, we can find a way to have fun and make a yummy cake.
We may be ‘Betwixt and Between’ but as long as we can find a way to be together in that middle ground we will both be OK.
My journey with Parkinsons 