For the past three years I have a body that has seriously been a challenge to love. It has caused me pain in several areas and at times my whole body felt like it was in pain. I first had pain in my knee that got progressively worse and had to have a total knee replacement of my right knee. It wasn’t going to happen courtesy of the government, so we had to borrow some money to pay for it. Then my legs started feeling left out and decided to join the party. The pain was all in my legs on both sides and at times I would scream in agony just trying to get myself into and out of bed. Trying to turn over or move down the bed wasn’t funny either I can tell you!
The pain in my legs turned out to be caused by nerves in my spinal column being compressed and of course, me being me it meant yet another operation. I had that operation just on 14 weeks ago and slowly I can feel myself coming out the other side. Before my operation and for some time afterwards I needed a walker to get around and to provide a seat should I need to sit down perhaps when trying to cook dinner or something else in the kitchen. Gardening and housework were out of the question and just about anything physical was out of bounds if I was going to get the maximum recovery from my operation.
Me being me, however, I have found it very difficult sticking to restrictions of not bending down to pick things up. The rate of dropping things on the floor, especially thin things like pieces of paper – increased exponentially in accordance with the nuisance value and pain of picking it up.
So, long story short – yes it could certainly be a much longer story – I have had constant pain for the past three years at least. I remember my husband saying at one time, ‘you don’t complain about pain in your fingers anymore!’ Two things. Number One the pain in my fingers didn’t go near the other pain and so not worth a mention by comparison. Number Two, if I complained every time I was in pain I would never talk about anything else! I am a complete and utter pain that’s for sure!
So with all this going on, it has been difficult to love my body which seems to be hell bent on giving me pain almost everywhere possible. Like they say, you only have one body, so you should look after it. The funny(?) thing is, Parkinson’s or Parkies as I call it has been pretty well behaved for the past four and a half years I have had it. Just as well, as we don’t have room in our lives just now for anything else going wrong with my poor 64-year-old body!
So, getting on with life and being out and about has been challenging since the operation. Trying to strike a balance between resting and recovering and mobilising to get my body stronger and doing exercises has been a challenge. It has not been long since I have been able to leave the house without my walker and that felt like a big step. Then I relied on a walking stick, which made me walk a bit hunched over, which of course is not great for my back. I have graduated from using it at all now and so that feels like real progress.
I started using walking poles especially when walking over uneven ground to give me some stability and to feel safer. We went to Sumner Beach today for a bit of a walk and I had intended to bring my poles with me. However, despite them being propped up right next to where I put my keys, both of us forgot to grab them. In hindsight though perhaps it was for the best as it made me have to be more mindful of my posture so that I was not causing pain to my back.
Today I walked further than I have walked in a long time and I felt quite proud of myself for getting out there and doing. I was proud of my body and felt that maybe we are on the way to being on better terms with each other.
When you have so many things that cause you pain it can be difficult to look at your body with kindness.
I need to remember that it has carried me for 64 years and still gets me through the day.
To remember to treat myself with kindness as I get through this latest chapter of recovery.
Despite it all things are improving and I am starting to feel more positive.
Maybe now I can begin to claim my life back…
My journey with Parkinsons 