While I am laid up with this back/leg injury it has given me the time to focus on other things. I have been spending time on my computer or laptop/tablet doing a variety of things. One of the things has been sending emails and checking daily emails.
I was on my computer the other day and my husband happened to come in and peak over my shoulder and saw that I had 999 emails in my inbox. To put it mildly, he was somewhat surprised! I said that I just didn’t get round to clearing them and then he told me it would be slowing down my computer, so I decided to take action and start deleting unnecessary emails.
Well, it was like a trip down memory lane as I glanced at the emails that went back to 2017. There was a lot of my life’s journey contained in those emails. Several emails about looking for houses, buying and selling houses and the trauma of some of those events.
There were emails about some challenging relationships at work. Well, to be honest about one particularly challenging relationship that had to go to mediation. I have to say, that relationship never did flourish.
As I went forward in time we came to 2020 that was a – as in the words of the Royal family – our ‘Annus horribilis’ – or horrible year. Not only were we dealing with lockdowns due to Covid, but in that year we lost my much loved son Adam, the oldest of my children. Then in the December I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. When it came to emails about my son, first were the ones where I emailed some people who needed to know, but I couldn’t cope with a conversation. Then I saw some about legal matters etc. From there I focused on deleting the emails without reading them and making the loss fresh again. Not that it isn’t always with me and as I write this I find the ache in my heart and tears close to the surface. So much of the pain and of my life during that period caught in the emails that I had to press ‘delete’ on today. Perhaps I was keeping them because I didn’t want to get rid of them because they were about my son? Perhaps I didn’t want to start deleting and doing what I have done today? Freshening up those very sad memories.
So, here I sit more than a bit dewy eyed and close to tears after the simple act of deleting emails. Who would have thought that doing something as ‘normal’ as clearing out your inbox would cause such an effect?
Now my inbox is lighter but my heart today a little heavier.
My journey with Parkinsons 