I am regularly plagued by a sense of unreality. That I don’t really have Parkinson’s. That any symptoms I might have can be explained away by overwork, tiredness, age, anything but Parkinson’s.
My symptoms are pretty mild. I can walk without shuffling. My balance is pretty good. My reduction in energy levels explained away by being over 60. My Psyche wants to explain away the things that I am noticing about myself, about my body as simply being the signs of aging. To think that it is only natural that at my age I notice some slowing of my thought processes. That any tremors may be low blood sugars. That any tiredness I feel is because I have been overdoing things.
Perhaps it is a natural protective mechanism that I have moments of denial. Hours of denial. Days of denial even. Then, I emerge from the depths of denial as I take my medication. As I book my appointment with my Neurologist. As I admit, that yes, I have Parkinson’s and all the denial in the world, won’t make it go away.
If only denying it’s reality, it’s very existence would make it so!