I retired just over two years ago now and as I was pottering around at home, I reflected on how much I love being retired. I have never felt as free as I do today in my ability to live my life as I choose. I have also never felt freer in a marriage than I do with my husband. It really is a case of third time lucky!
So, while I pottered around on this grey day, I thought that while having a condition like Parkinson’s has hugely negative connotations, it has also given me a gift. A gift? That may sound strange, but here is why I say this. I think sometimes when you are in a good relationship, when you have a good job and you have family members and friend who care about you, all these things can perhaps make you complacent. The feeling that life is pretty good as it is, can mean that perhaps you don’t analyse exactly what makes that life good and just continue on a road with less purpose.
I know for me, my husband and I have a great relationship and we are happy just the two of us most of the time. Sure, we love other family members like my adult children and our grandchildren. But, I know for me I did not consciously feel the need to make an effort to see them. I know that sounds bad, but my children grew up and had their own lives as did I and I wasn’t needed so much any more as we all got on with our lives.
Then in 2020, a series of crises occurred that severely and forever rocked our complacent little world. The first of these being COVID. We had to suffer through and adjust to a life in a world inhabited by COVID, of lockdowns and masks and ppe as a part of a life that we didn’t expect. Then on 4/10/20 my eldest son Adam passed away unexpectedly, the biggest and worst thing to happen and any parent’s worse nightmare. The grief of that loss will never go away. Then just a few months down the track, I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease on 15/12/20. So, it was – in words stolen from Queen Elizabeth II – our ‘Annus horribilis’. The worst year ever. These three events changed our lives forever.
One of the huge effects of all this happening in 2020, was that I immediately thought about my life and how I was living it. COVID and the passing of my son Adam were a stark reminder of how none of us can know what the future holds. I never, ever had thought that one of my children would die. Not before me. COVID claimed it’s victims and again, this huge thing that potentially could kill any one of us came into our lives and stayed.
All of this made me realise that nothing in life is guaranteed and so the time to do all the things we wanted in life was now. I vowed to spend more time with my grandchildren and to have more time with my adult children. To keep in touch with my older brothers and make the effort to travel to see them. It also made me realise I needed to plan for my future with Parkinson’s and take an active role in ensuring that I was not just along for the ride as a passenger. Among the things that I did was to talk to my husband about moving to a home that we could future proof as we had a very lovely and large two storey house. The decision made we sold our house and moved to Kaiapoi.
On arriving in our new little town, I put my retirement plan into action. I started going to the local pool and doing aqua jogging. I joined the local bowling club. I found out there was a space in the local library for playing games on every Monday morning. So, I started to go to all these things as soon as we moved in. We also made the effort to meet and spend time with our neighbours and even have a small quiz team of our neighbours at the local pub. All these things gave me a social network and friends I never would have had if I hadn’t been purposeful and actively making a move to make friends and to be active and feel I had social contact on a regular basis.
I found this quote the other day and it is a good reminder of the importance of not being cut off socially as we age.
The Power of Social Connection
Why relationships matter for your brain
Humans are wired to be social, and when that wiring goes unsatisfied, your brain pays a real biological price. Chronic loneliness activates the same stress pathways as physical threats, raising cortisol and inflammation over time. Researchers studying mortality have compared the overall health impact of social isolation to smoking around 15 cigarettes a day, and the cognitive toll shows up separately in studies of memory, processing speed, and thinking.
Source
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227–237.
Earned on November 10, 2026.
I particularly like this piece of advice.
Quality matters more than quantity when it comes to social connection. A few deep, reciprocal relationships protect your brain more than dozens of superficial ones. If you’re feeling isolated, start small. A weekly phone call with a close friend or joining a group activity you genuinely enjoy can meaningfully shift your brain’s stress chemistry.
So, I urge you if you can, find a way to increase your social network. If you have had to stop working for any reason, but particularly because of Parkinsons’ try to find some positives. Revel in the new freedom you have to spend time on things that you love to do and to be with those you love to be with. Push yourself to connect with people at your exercise class, or someone you might chat to at the pool, at church, at housie. Try to connect and maybe ask someone out for coffee. Push yourself forward instead of shrinking back from life.
All in all. Use the time you have been gifted – for me two years more time to spend with those I love – use it wisely and to strengthen bonds and do the things you have always wanted to do.
Get that bucket list out, but don’t just fill it with the big things, like “One day I would like to do a tandem skydive”. Do it now! I did mine for my 50’th. Fill that bucket list with things like, being more present for others. Nurture and grow your relationships with your family, young and old. Take that trip you have always talked about. Do things that make you happy. Do some kindnesses for others, I particularly like doing small acts of kindness to people I don’t know. Just to put a smile on someone’s face with no agenda or thought of payback.
Find the joy in retirement, rather than resenting you may have had to give up work sooner than expected. The days, hours, months and years you now have to do what you want to do and not what your employer expects you to do are a wonderful thing.
Find the joy!
Give joy!
And receive joy in turn.
