Well, the quiet times we have had while we settled in and got over jetlag are about to end. Today we drive to go and see our niece and nephew and their families. We haven’t seen them for three years and one has had a child since and others look so grown up from photos we have seen.
I admit I approach this part of our homecoming – for Ade it definitely is a homecoming, for me England feels like a second home – I feel some nervousness about how things will go for me. I live in a comfortable bubble at home where I feel people have got to know Parkinson’s me. To understand some of my challenges and to support me. Family here have not seen me in three years and I wonder if perhaps the changes are more noticeable than I think? My mobility is reduced from the last visit, partly as I continue to rebuild my fitness and my trust in my body post surgery. Will family understand that though I may not show as much physical deficits that I don’t have the stamina I might have previously? I hope that I can keep up and that I don’t appear unwilling to try things, but just try to do my best with the hand I have been dealt.
I am aware that the physical outward appearance I have may give the impression that motor skills are not affected that much, but I have an uncertainty about me that I internalise for the most part. I have a willingness to try, but also need to have a handle on my reality when it comes to long walks and uneven terrain. The last thing I want is to hold people up or in trying to keep up misjudging and risking a fall.
Will I struggle with conversations? While we have been staying with my husband’s sister and her husband, it has been easier than it will be with lots of people. Trying to keep up with conversations in this environment has had it’s challenges, so what will it be like with a crowd? Will my memory let me down mid-stream as I lose track of my thoughts? Will I be seen to talk nonsense or frustrate people as I stop the conversation mid track while I try to gather my thoughts?
Anxiety is a part of this condition, I recognise and admit that within myself. I don’t see myself as anxious about the family catch-up, but nervous would probably cover it. I am looking forward to seeing everyone and meeting a new addition to the family and also getting to know the children we have met before. Three years can make a huge difference in children. How will they react to this strange woman, this colonial who talks funny – one of them commented on the way I spoke in a video chat once – my accent in itself marking me as different!
Better get organised I suppose, but wanted to just check in with myself and also part of this trip is about how Parkinson’s and I get along on this trip.
Kia Kaha – Be strong Sue.
My journey with Parkinsons 