What is a friend?

All my life I have not had a great many friends. For many reasons this has always been an unchanging facet of my life. I am not saying this for sympathy at all, in fact I have known people with lots of friends and they have had difficulty keeping them all happy. The more friends you have the more you have to organise things so that you get to see them all. Less friends = Less hassle. In my book it is anyway. I am not an unfriendly person – lest you think I am – but it is just the way my personality and my life has worked out.

When I was working, there were people I was very friendly with and used to have lunch with. However, I could count on the fingers of one hand – with change – how many I would see out of work. To me, a friend is someone who wants to see you and spend time with you and in fact makes the time to see you. It is easy to be a ‘friend’ at work where there is virtually no effort required and the person you might consider a friend is ‘on tap’ if you like. So, to me a friend is someone who wants to spend time with you and actively seeks to do so.

One telling feature of friendship – or not – is when you retire or leave work for any reason. People will tell you to keep in touch and vow to keep in contact with you, the ‘we must catch up for coffee’ sort of loose invitation to spend time with each other, but the coffee for one reason or another often doesn’t seem to happen. The other situation is when you pop in to say hello when you are nearby. People might come up and seem pleased to see you, you may even get a hug or two, but it often isn’t long before people start shuffling and saying they need to get back to work. That is true of course, but for me that awkwardness is not a comfortable feeling for me. I know that I can initiate contact – as the hubby reminds me – but again, if it’s been a while it feels awkward.

So, to me a friend is:

• Someone who actively seeks my company.
• Someone who asks and is interested in my life.
• Someone who supports me when things get tough.
• Some who treats me with respect. But will laugh at me and make sure I don’t get too serious about myself. I always say, “If I am too nice to you, it means I don’t really like you. If I give you a hard time then you know you are my friend.
• Someone who makes me laugh. Laughter really is the best medicine.
• Someone who takes the time to know what I do and don’t need help with.
• Someone who realises when an alarm goes off at 12pm that it’s time for my medications. Double alarm!
• Someone who is open to learning about my condition and how it affects me.
• Someone who has realistic expectations of me.
• Someone whose face lights up when they see me and they have the same effect on me.

Parkinson’s is certainly a test of a friendship. I have heard many people speak about how they were ‘dropped like a hot potato’ once Parkinson’s has really taken hold.

I know that at many funerals people come out of the woodwork that say they have not seen that person for years, but came to pay their respects. I have known quite a few people that have had close friends pass away recently. It is probably the company I keep, being all retirees! These people have taken the time to spend time with the person that is coming to the end of their lives. They would sit and share memories and laughter and maybe a beer or cider or two. Some have said that they travelled overseas or a long plane journey in New Zealand just to spend time with the person while they still can but they do not come to the funeral. I can see the value in that and if I was in that position I think that would be a more thoughtful thing to do, rather than showing you care by going to a person’s funeral. Now that I’ve said that, if I get an sudden influx of family unexpectedly, I might freak out!!!

Friends.

Whether few or many.

They are like a precious jewel and should be highly valued.

How would you define a friend?