Sometimes what people see in us, can be difficult to accept as it may differ greatly from our own view of who we are. I identify with the concept of ‘Imposter Syndrome’ as I have never felt completely confident in what I do. I felt that I externally projected an image of a confident person when in truth I am at times very lacking in confidence.
This was particularly evident to me – but perhaps not to others – when I was working as a Social Worker. I was in a position where I worked pretty much autonomously and was seen to have a high degree of experience and knowledge. However, all through my career I needed to consult with colleagues to aid me in safely practicing in what was a very demanding role.
‘Imposter Syndrome’ as in the title of this post, is a person being in a position where they are perhaps in a responsible role, perhaps one at a reasonable level of seniority and by that seniority be seen to have a high level of expertise. The person themselves, though – as is the case with me – feels like an imposter, because they do not see themselves in that way and is perhaps uncomfortable with the label of ‘expert’. That is my definition from what I have read about this syndrome.
As I have said previously too, almost immediately I was diagnosed and told that I have Parkinson’s I had what I would call a ‘crisis of confidence’. I was still the same person with the same skills but I felt that suddenly I wasn’t confident at work and at home and in many other ways. I gradually worked my way out of it.
One thing that helped me to regain some confidence was starting this blog in 2021. I often say that it saved my life. It did that in a number of ways. I started this blog because I needed and wanted to have some channel for my reaction to my diagnosis, to get my thoughts and feelings out. I also wanted to provide an honest and open commentary on my life with Parkinson’s in the hopes that someone – and hopefully many ‘someones’ – would be able to find within this blog, something that resonated with them. Something that perhaps made them feel like they had someone who would understand what they were going through and perhaps provide some ideas on how to manage this condition. By helping them, I helped myself and in continuing to do this blog and my podcasts I hope to reach even more people.
So, for me this blog will continue as long as I possibly can. As long as it has value for me and hopefully for others. I have always been a person for whom words were very important. Writing poetry from an early age I have always continued that and when I can, I share them with other people as they are light-hearted and usually people seem to enjoy them.
So whether you feel like an imposter or ‘fake it till you make it’ as long as it works for you and is not harming others…
Have faith in yourself as others do and just go for it!
My journey with Parkinsons 