What is love?

For the past two days I have been in the kitchen making hearty homemade soups and casseroles. This is quite a novelty for me as for so long now – probably 2-3 years – I have had so much pain from my knee and then my back, that I couldn’t stand for long enough to do these things.

I would definitely say that my ‘love language’ is food. My husband and I enjoy going out to dinner together, but equally we love just being the two of us and enjoying a meal together at home. For the past 2-3 years, my husband has had to do everything in the home and I have been physically unable to do much of anything, so being able to cook nice meals again is wonderful. Since my husband has been in the kitchen so much, the way we prepare meals has changed. It used to be more often my domain to cook and my husband did the dishes! But since he has been cooking and I am now taking over a bit more, we often do parts of the meal together. It is so nice preparing a meal together and chatting over a drink or two and catching up.

Years ago I went to a counsellor and she talked about ‘acts of service’ and that is when you do something for someone you love as a way of showing your love. Like my cooking my husband meals, like him checking my tyre pressures on my car – something I would never think of – and him making sure I take my medications is a big one too. So many little things in a good partnership that we do for each other are an ‘I love you’ in physical form.

When my children were growing up, my son had a friend from Thailand who always had the best of everything, he had the latest trainers and brand label clothes, the best guitars and all the things a young teenager would want. My son talked to me one day and said ‘I have always been a bit jealous of my friend because he had all this money and cool stuff. But, today he told me that when he finishes school he will be expected to work in his father’s accountancy firm and be an accountant. There is absolutely no option for him and his future is mapped out for him. I feel sorry for him and grateful that my parents will let me choose my own path and not expect me to follow something they choose’. To me, showing love is not about buying them label clothing or flash guitars, it is about listening to them as a person and encouraging them to build their own future.

For those of us with Parkinson’s and for me especially, showing me love is in encouraging me to do the things that I can do and celebrating them. It’s not about saying those three words it’s about supporting me in my choices and encouraging me to keep doing things for myself. I often say to my husband “Am I still a good driver?” and he assures me that I am. But, I know one day he will have to tell me that he has concerns and that I need to give up driving. That will be hard. So hard. But it will be done out of love. Sometimes showing love is saying something that the other person doesn’t want to hear. Sometimes receiving it is acknowledging that this person who loves you must find it so hard to tell us the tough stuff. Just like when your kids are growing up and you won’t let them do something – especially as teenagers – that you don’t feel is safe. They may stomp to their room, but ultimately because you love them and need to keep them safe, you bear the brunt of their disappointment.

So what is love?

Love is more than the three little words “I love you”

Love can be telling us something we don’t want to hear but need to!

An expression of love for me is doing things for my husband, especially making him meals.

For my husband, he shows his love for me in so many ways and I am forever grateful that I have him in my life.

How do you show love?

What is your love language?