Being the me I want to be…

I have had a wonderful day today, doing things that fill my cup and rejuvenate me. This morning I went to a Parkinson’s exercise group which I have been going to now for maybe three weeks. Then home for a quick sandwich and a change of clothes and then loaded the bowling kit in the car and off for an afternoon of bowls. It was blustery and cold, but it was so much fun. Win or lose it really doesn’t matter to me, I just love playing the game and socialising and having a laugh with people while we play.

I have finally found a sport that I am not rubbish at! Trust me, there have been some shockers I have tried and I have never been that sporty. But, I knew that one day I would come back to bowls when the time was right. The time is so right, right now. Coming from a family of great bowlers it always seemed inevitable that I would take it up some day.

It’s been a busy week already and it’s only Tuesday. The thing that I enjoy is that I am not running to someone else’s timetable. No meetings to have to attend, no patients or families I have to see. No bosses, no hassles, just pure freedom to be the me I want to be.

Of course, in life we all have commitments but for a lot of them we can manage them to suit ourselves. I have a husband who doesn’t cook – though he is getting to be a better assistant in the kitchen – and so I do the bulk of the cooking. I am fine with that, but appreciate some days when I can’t be bothered to cook, that I can say to him, “Let’s have a help ourselves night tonight” and he is quite happy. He doesn’t need meat and two veg every night and has been known to have a cheese sandwich and be quite content.

I have had a previous marriage which was poles apart from my marriage now. I was watched over and controlled and expected to toe the line in just about every way you could imagine. Now I am with someone who enjoys his own company and we have a balance of doing what we want to do as individuals and spending time with each other. Right now I am in my study writing this after having a day of exercise class and bowls and we have hardly seen each other. At some point we will emerge and get together, but it is so easy to just do your own thing in this relationship.

I feel safe and free to do the things that I want to do and need to do.

I am content.

I am free to be the me I want to be.

And that feels good!