What is a friend?

What is a friend? What makes one person a friend and another not? As someone who really does have few friends, I believe it is better to have a few quality friendships you can rely on than a broad network of friends who may disappear at the first signs of adversity. Family can be friends too. I have a cousin who I love spending time with, she is like a sister to me. Friends to me are people who allow you to be you. To not expect that you will necessarily be in contact with them on a regular basis, but after a gap of not being in touch, just being pleased to be with each other again. Giving and receiving support and caring for each other without expectation and understanding that we are all busy and not to take offence if one or other of you hasn’t been in touch for a while.

Friends will want to make you feel good about yourself and support you in what you are trying to achieve in life. Friends are people who don’t judge, but by the same token if they feel you are taking unnecessary risks or making unwise choices, I would hope that they would be there to offer advice and maybe pick us up if things don’t turn out how we had hoped.

When we lived in our previous home for 10 years or so, we really didn’t make any effort to make friends with our neighbours. We are such a unit, my husband and I that we really didn’t feel like we needed friends. However, when I was diagnosed and we decided to move, I decided that I would make more effort in my new community to make friends. Our next-door neighbours are great people, with a good sense of humour and similar outlook on life. They are kind and supportive and even though we haven’t lived here long, we consider them friends.

We have had our neighbour/friends over for dinner and drinks and we regularly have ‘drive-way chats’ when we meet. They are looking at buying e-bikes and we are already talking about being e-bike buddies. It will be fun to have someone to go out with when I finally get my knee operation. We are also looking at going to the quiz night at our local club which most of us are members of. Also, we have started talking about having some sort of neighbourly Christmas gathering for those of us living in our little lane.

All of these things we are doing is building friendships, but also – I hope – a network of people who might look out for us if we need help in the future. Even if it is someone to pop in for a coffee while I recover from a knee operation – if it ever happens – or just a friendly person to have those drive-way chats with.

I think it is important that those of us living this Parkies life start to form a support network around them. Not with any particular expectation from those people we surround us with, but just as a protection against isolation and to know that there are people that care about us and will be there if we need them.