It is fair to say that I have not had a very settled life at times. I have been married three times, with the first marriage being the only one where I have had children. My first marriage ended for various reasons, amongst which is that basically I think we married too young to know what we were doing.
My second marriage started off OK, but over the years became more and more abusive with my husband having significant issues with drugs and alcohol. Our life in general was not a healthy one. One of the things that was particularly evident within that relationship was the complete lack of trust my husband had of me. I needed to account for almost every minute of every day. I also found quickly that I could not talk about any male workmates without being accused of something untoward.
As I have said on many occasions throughout this blog, we are very happy with our new home, the new town that we live in and our new neighbours. We have a particularly nice couple right next to us and it frequently happens that the husband of the pair and I quite often get involved in driveway conversations. We have had a bit of interaction this weekend talking about e-bikes as he and his wife are thinking of getting some. He had a bit of a ride on mine in the weekend and when we were talking I mentioned that the mirror on my bike is loose.
This morning he texted me to ask if I wanted him to come over and tighten my mirror on my bike. I said that would be great and he came over to do the job this morning. My husband was in bed sleeping because he had come home from work in the wee small hours. The neighbour and I were chatting in our garage and my husband came in, having heard our voices. I explained why the neighbour was there and we chatted for a while.
After the neighbour left us, I asked my husband if he minded my talking to our neighbour and the fact that we have many driveway conversations. His reaction? ‘Of course not!’ It was a question I probably shouldn’t have had to ask, but it was borne of the history with my second husband. He certainly would have had suspicions that something was going on, when all it was was an innocent conversation between friends and neighbours.
The important thing that I reflected on afterwards was the fact that as we get older, and especially with a health condition such as Parkinson’s, it is important that we have a robust support network. My neighbour has a key to our house since our UK trip in case of any sort of emergency and my husband is not home. There is no way that I could have this arrangement if I were still married to my second husband. I would be isolated and alone and at risk in so many ways as he was the only person I would have been allowed to turn to.
Life has dealt me many challenges to overcome over the years. That abusive relationship resulted ultimately in me coming to Christchurch. It resulted in me meeting and marrying my soulmate who is there 100% to support me through whatever life could throw at me. He already has helped me through so much.
However, he cannot be the only one that supports me. For a start, putting the total responsibility on him would not be fair. We both need support and I don’t want him to stop doing what he wants to do because he has to be on duty watching out for me 24/7. So, it is great that we now have neighbours we both like and trust that can be there to help me if I need it.
I probably shouldn’t have had to ask if he minded me chatting to my male neighbour without him present. But, when you have been controlled and abused those memories lurk just beneath the surface sometimes. I know though, in my heart of hearts that my husband is the most patient and kind person I know and would never treat me with disrespect or suspicion.
It is amazing to be trusted and loved by a wonderful man.
Such a different and wonderful way of being in a relationship.
My journey with Parkinsons 