Throughout life, we grow and we change and I know for me that I have had several identities or ways that I define myself. The way we define ourselves can be complex and multi-facetted.
When I was growing up I was the only daughter in my family with three older brothers. I was always the odd one out. The nuisance little sister to my big brothers and that is probably not unique. I remember being a bit of a ‘tom-boy’ which was a social term at the time for someone who was female but might prefer to wear jeans instead of dresses. In my mother’s eyes also when it came to any sport I played, when I switched from netball to hockey, she made a comment that basically alluded to netball being a more feminine pursuit. She often used to make comments that she only had one daughter and wished I would dress more like a girl. When I was about 15 or 16 years of age, I started wearing makeup and short skirts. Imagine my surprise – I was after all finally dressing like a girl – when my mother then complained I wore too much makeup and my skirts were too short!
I married young and had three children and when my youngest was about 2 or 3 years of age, I went back to work in an office. Part of the reason was of course that the money was helpful. But, for me personally I found that I needed to have a pocket of my existence that was just about me. As I said, I was a wife and a mother of three children. I had reached a point in my life where I was known as a wife and a mother and no-one knew me just for me. I felt I needed to reclaim my identity as a person and not wholly and solely as someone’s mother (x3) or someone’s wife.
There have been many changes in my life with 2 x divorces and changing careers quite a few times along the way. I am now – and will always be – happily married. I have been thinking quite a lot about how I define myself at the moment, or for that matter how others might define me. For many years I was known probably more for the roles I was employed in than as a Mother as my children had all left home and were independent of me.
So, most recently until I retired in 2024, I was a Registered Social Worker of some 20+ years experience. When I retired in May of that year, I ceased being a Social Worker or an employee of any type. So, this is where I am at, right at this moment.
- I am no longer employed, so I am not an employee.
- Not only am I no longer an employee, but I am no longer a Social Worker.
- I am not eligible for any government assistance as I do not qualify. So, I am not a beneficiary.
- I am not eligible for superannuation/pension until I am 65. So, I am not a superannuitant or pensioner at this time.
- If I am not all these things then what am I? Who am I? How do I define myself?
I no longer tick any of the boxes in this list. I am not a professional, I can be defined by benefit of my marriage as a wife, but I am much more than that. But, I do not have a definition of myself as an individual. I am just me with no tag line, no definition to put on the bottom of an email. No letters after my name, shouting my importance to the world.
But, I am happy to be where I am and who I am at the moment. I am doing things I want to do and have the support of my husband to do so. In March in a few short weeks, I will be eligible for superannuation and can call myself a pensioner. In the meantime, I will float about in the no-man’s land between definitions.
Don’t get me wrong, I am proud to be a wife to my husband. To be a Nanna to my grandchildren and Mum to my adult children. But, it feels like I have gone full circle round to when I started working to reclaim a pocket of my life as an individual. Since retiring I did not have a work ‘pocket’ independent of my family. However, I have taken on some things the are just for me. and just about me.
They are:
- Writing this Blog. Which is of course by it’s very nature is all about me and my experiences.
- Recording my podcasts which are mostly about me and ‘My journey with Parkinson’s.
- Recording a podcast called ‘Parkies Patter – a chat about all things Parkinson’s’ Where I interview others with Parkinson’s and sometimes their carers.
- Going to the local pool three mornings a week for exercise and social connections.
- Going to the library every Monday morning to play cards.
- Playing bowls at the local Bowling Club.
At each age and stage we change and we grow. My Parkinson’s is largely responsible for most of the good things in my life, because once diagnosed I made a commitment to make the most of life every day. To spend more time with those I love and to enjoy and celebrate the here and now.
My Blog and my podcasts are my way of working through the challenges and emotions of a life lived with Parkinson’s. Not only does it help me work through things for myself, I hope it helps others. I hope that by sharing my experiences that I can help other people with Parkinson’s or who are supporting people with Parkinson’s to know they are not alone and maybe help with living better with it.
So, who am I?
I cannot be defined by a neat little title or role.
I am not defined by Parkinson’s. I do not allow it to permeate everything that I am and everything that I do.
I am an individual first and foremost and I am unique.
I am just me and that is enough!
My journey with Parkinsons 