Some thoughts on ageing

Having interviewed Greta Bond, CEO of Age Concern twice now, I can’t help but think of the various aspects of ageism and how it can affect us. By us, I mean people with grey hair and obviously on the wrong side of 50. It is difficult to judge how old a person is and trying to guess is fraught with danger. Also, like I said to my GP recently, “If you are ever tempted to start a sentence with… ‘well at your age…’ Don’t do it, it will not end well!”

Some of us go grey earlier than others. Some sport stunning silver hair quite young, others don’t seem like they will ever go grey. Some of us – mostly men – lose our hair completely. However, in talking with many women over the years, women don’t really seem to see someone without hair as unattractive. In fact, the actor Patrick Stewart sports a bald pate and is a very attractive man and there have been many other well-known actors with a similar hairstyle(?) who would certainly be seen by many of us as handsome and desirable. As is, of course, my own gorgeous husband.

Ageing has it’s plus side. Not having to get up early for work is a bonus. Discounts when one qualifies for a ‘gold card’ here in NZ which gives discounts on various things like a discount on a Tuesday at the supermarket.

There is also a change in mindset when getting around with a walker. Both for me as a user and for others I encounter, who can treat me differently because of it. Not that I object to people trying to be helpful, but sometimes having reduced mobility can equal being seeing us as completely helpless. On the other hand, on seeing the walker, I’ve encountered some who ignore our struggling to get to the bathroom because of a heavy door that needs to be pulled towards us to get to the toilets themselves. Am I invisible? Can you not see that this is difficult? A hand here would be appreciated.

It seems to be worse if you are both (a) grey haired and (b) a woman. Mind you, sexism can also play a part of course and that is a lifelong battle.

A little story.

When I was much younger – yes, I can get a bit tangential but bear with me – I went to the PSIS a lending and banking institution set up for members of the PSA and asked them for a small loan to buy a car. It was a very cheap car, just for getting to work and back and running the kids to school and preschool. The Manager looked at my application and said, “What does your husband earn?” Now, I looked at this person and said, “Would you ask my husband what I earn, should he apply for a small loan like this? I have given you the information on what I earn. I either qualify for the loan or I don’t based on my income. It has nothing to do with my husband.” He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and without further comment gave me my loan.

Another thing. I have always been a bit forgetful. I am known to ‘lose’ items on a regular basis in my home. I will cry out to my husband ‘I have lost my…..’ cellphone, glasses, whatever’ and he will respond that they are somewhere in the house. I have lost a number of things just this week and I turned to my husband and said, ‘you don’t think I’ve got dementia do you?’ and he reassured me, but there was a wee bit of a niggling fear nevertheless (just a smidge).

However, when your hair is grey and you have a diagnosis of Parkinson’s, which of course affects our brains add in some memory issues and it’s not difficult to understand that I/We might be concerned that dementia is creeping in. I hope not as I am only not quite five years in at the moment and hopefully I have many years before that happens.

But I know people can judge those of us with grey hair and almost immediately jump to the conclusion that we have dementia!

I think if we become isolated in our homes, limited in our social connections and don’t try and be fitter, then outcomes are not great. Losing interest in the rest of the world and even your local community can negatively impact on our health. Staying engaged with life and your community is vital to continued health and wellbeing. Isolation and lack of social interaction definitely has negative effects.

Keeping interested in life and mixing with others is important.

Having some kind of exercise on a regular basis is also important.

Trying something new that makes you think harder, helps keep your brain healthy.

I turned 64 this week and it sounds like a big number. I don’t feel that old, I really don’t. However, some days I look in the mirror and feel every bit of it.

As someone has said “Age is but a number”

Everyone is different.