It is always good to see and hear when your children have taken on board some of the ways of parenting that you used with them. It is a great compliment and reassures me that despite my often-having feelings of inadequacy, that I must have done something right!
My daughter’s three girls are the grandies we have the most time with as they live not far away. So, they are the ones – and of course they are older – that I can best see reflections of my parenting in for how they are raised. I had the youngest stay for a couple of days this week and we had spent some time with an elderly uncle of mine. The grand-daughter said to me ‘What relation is he to me and what should I call him?’ I worked out he was her great, great uncle. Deciding that was too much to say and a bit awkward, she says I think I’ll just call him “excuse me”. It made me laugh and I agreed that was a good thing to do.
The reason I laughed is this. When I was married to my second husband – not my children’s father – his parents wanted my kids to call them Nanna and Grandad. The kids – rightly so – said, “they are not our grandparents and we don’t feel comfortable calling them that!” So, this is what we agreed. I said to them, “Just call them ‘Excuse me’ and not only will you be praised for being very polite, but you don’t have to use a name you’re not comfortable with’. It worked a treat! So, those two people were always referred to as ‘Excuse me’.
It was not until today that I realized that my daughter had given the same advice to her children, passing down to them the gift of impressing people with their wonderful manners, without having to add a name which made them uncomfortable. One of the older girls said, ‘I use it all the time when I go to my friends’ places. It doesn’t feel right to call their mum and dad by their names and Mr and Mrs sounds too formal. So, I call them ‘Excuse me!’
It cracked me up that this little trick that I gave to my children has been passed on. To good effect by the sounds of it.
So, I know it’s a little thing, but it was a moment I celebrated a little that my parenting wasn’t always haphazard as it sometimes felt.
Plus, the cherry on the top?
Everyone that meets my grandchildren remarks on how very polite they are. 🙂
My journey with Parkinsons 