Have I become invisible?

There is nothing quite like experiencing something for yourself first-hand to open your eyes to the challenges of having a disability.

Post operatively I am doing well and currently mobilising with two crutches. I will admit that my mobilising is slow, but that’s just the way it is for a while till my recovery continues. 

Yesterday, my husband and I went for a coffee at a local coffee shop. It was only the second time I have been out to a cafe with him since my operation. Getting in and out of the car is still quite challenging and there is no such thing as a comfortable position to sit in once I’m in. It was nice though to get out of the house for a change of scenery and coffee with my lovely husband.

Anyway, we came up the ramp to the cafe and coming from the steps from the other direction were two mid twenties (ish) women. We came to the door to enter the cafe at about the same time. Foolishly, I assumed – yes, you are best served not to – that they would see me on my crutches and with my grey hair and thought that they would stand back and let me go through first. Did they hesitate for even a nano-second to do so? Nope! They bustled in in front of me, so that I had to wait for them to go through first while I muttered under my breath “don’t mind me!” What happened to respect for your elders? What happened to good old fashioned courtesy? Would it have harmed them to let me go through the door first? Fine if they did an overtaking maneuver once inside, but they could have let me have right of way to get in there in the first place. I really did feel invisible and I noticed that neither of them looked in my direction during this episode, choosing to ignore me as they slipped on through past me.

I also went to another cafe recently and had a similar experience. I was walking to a table, with my number in my hand, very obviously heading towards a particular table. A woman and her husband and child literally leapt in front of me and took the table. It wasn’t even that she did not notice me. She obviously saw the somewhat shocked look on my face. She turned to me and said, “There’s another table over there you can have!” So, here I was limping along on my crutches and I was made to move to another table. I was not best pleased I can tell you!

What has happened in our world today, that there is often little or no consideration of a person with a disability – whether it be permanent or temporary – by those who they encounter? I was brought up to hold doors open for people if they were elderly, pushing a pram, in a wheelchair, on crutches or whatever made that simple act difficult for them. I was brought up to treat people with respect. Too often that doesn’t seem to be the case with others I encounter.

At some point most people as they age will find themselves in need of some mobility aids. Those same people could have been the people I have encountered recently in these examples. I am sure, too that if/when it is their turn they are likely to be affronted at the type of treatment I received if it happens to them. Perhaps more so, as often people who do these things seem to have an over-inflated sense of entitlement.

All I ask for myself and for others with a disability to be considered and respected.

It’s not too much to ask surely?