Should we ‘should?’

I am someone who loves words, loves reading and loves playing with words, whether it is in this Blog or writing poetry or just any other way I wish to express myself through words.

I have always found words to be a powerful thing. The way we use our words can have the power to support or to hinder those around us. Because I have a love of words I also have some favourite words.

Words like:

• Penultimate – second to last
• and
• Serendipity – a happy accident

I also have words that I don’t like, but there is one in particular and that word is ‘should’? So, ‘Should we Should?’ Is it OK to use that word? For me, it’s a word that I always try to avoid. The word ‘should’ but also ‘shouldn’t’ and ‘should’ve’ are all in there.

As I was typing the previous blog post I found that I had used ‘should’ a couple of times and went back and changed them. The reason I don’t like those words is that they feel very judgemental and value laden with other people’s expectations perhaps.

As an example:

• Saying things like ‘I should’ve been a better mother’ sounds very judgemental. We all as parents try to do our best to be good parents and instead I would say, ‘I tried to be the best mother I could be’ acknowledges that perhaps we could have done a little better in some areas, but not berating ourselves for not being perfect.
• Saying ‘I should be more grateful’ again sounds very negative and loaded with expectations of ourselves. Sometimes we may have so much going on that we may not feel that grateful and that’s OK. Perhaps thinking of a way to reframe some of the shouldism’s in our lives might make life a bit more positive.
• Saying ‘I should do more exercise for my Parkies’ again sounds like a judgement. Perhaps it would be more beneficial to engage in more physical activity, but there may be reasons why we aren’t always able to live up to our expectations.
• I have had people say to me in my work ‘I shouldn’t be crying, other people have it worse than me!’ Sure they may, but that doesn’t make what they are going through any less valid. People have a right to give in to tears and feel a bit sorry for themselves from time to time.

Life can be tough and challenging as we walk this road with Parkinson’s. But if we can try to be honest about how we feel without ‘shoulding’ ourselves unnecessarily, then perhaps we may find that life can be more positive.