‘Who am I kidding?’
‘Is it obvious?’
‘Can’t hide any more!’
Usually I have little trouble coming up with a title of a Blog post, but today a jumble of thoughts have been in my head most of the day.
I work in a Neurological Ward and so – I must remind myself – members of my team are highly attuned to changes in their patients and equally so to anything different about their colleagues. Today one of our Doctors turned to me and said “Are you under a Neurologist for your Parkinson’s?” I replied that I was and asked why he wanted to know? Had he noticed something perhaps? He then went on to say that he has noticed that the quality of my speech is still good in general, but that my ability to effectively project my voice may have reduced. I assured him that I had a good Neurologist, but that I will be unlikely to see him any earlier than a year’s time. I told him that I have a Community Speech Language Therapist who has given me exercises to strengthen my voice and my neck muscles. He seemed pleased that I was addressing the issues relating to my voice.
This well-meaning exchange caught me unawares. I often think that I am doing so well that I am in a stage of Parkinson’s where for most people it is not noticeable. That I can fool others – and maybe myself – that perhaps there is nothing ‘wrong’ with me. It is really the first such exchange that I can remember where someone has commented on my Parkies presentation. I must admit it rather rocked me and it gave me a brief glimpse of the future where my symptoms will become noticeable to others. I’m not altogether sure I’m ready for that! Actually, to be honest I absolutely am not!
So, as I said earlier in this piece my Doctor colleague is a specialist Neurological Rehabilitation Doctor who has a special interest in all things Parkinson’s. Something I was not aware of till today. Bearing that in mind, I suppose he is following my presentation with more interest and in more detail than your average layman/woman would! Still, it did cause me to pull up short and was quite confronting.
Tomorrow I shall slip back into my mode of getting on with life and not letting Parkies intrude too much into my thoughts. But today was confronting and I need to work through how I feel about that!
My journey with Parkinsons 
It can be very confronting when people can see what you can not yet see yourself.
In your case it sounds that it may be very fortunate that you have a colleague who may be very supportive and informative in your journey.
Thank you for your absolute honesty.
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Thank you. I always try my best to be honest about my thoughts and feelings. He is also naturally more attuned to my presentation than your average observer.
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