You MUST remember….

How many times have we been in conversation and it goes something like this.

Me: “How do I get to…”

Him: “You MUST remember, we’ve been there so many times!”

Me: “Nope. I don’t have to take notice when you are driving” or “I just can’t remember which fork to take in the Motorway, maybe you could tell me as we drive.”

Somewhere in the dim, dark reaches of my brain, perhaps I do know. Maybe when I am on my own in the car, I am more relaxed and if I stuff things up and have to take the ‘scenic’ route, there is no-one there to know!

We went out to Quiz Night with our neighbours on Thursday night. One of the neighbours goes to a regular Book Club and my husband was telling her about a book he recommended. Then he said, ‘Sue, read it but didn’t really like it!’ My ears pricked up at that one and I asked what the book was. He told me the title. No recognition. He told me the characters names. No clue. He told me the plot and some of the story. Nope, nothing! Very strange and a little bit confronting, but I told myself it didn’t really matter and we got on with the Quiz.

So, yesterday when we were out, my husband said something starting with ‘remember…’ and when I said No, he responded with ‘You must remember’ I can’t even remember what the topic was. It was nothing really important, but I told him very gently that statements like “You must remember” can be a bit difficult for me and for anyone who has some sort of memory issue. As I said to him, I have a compromised brain, which we need to be aware of, so sometimes I really don’t remember, but please don’t reinforce that by saying that I ‘MUST or ‘SHOULD’ remember.

I must ask my husband dozens of times what days he is working this week. He is pretty patient, but it must be annoying.

At lunch at work, I have obviously repeated myself in something I said to a colleague and they said to me, “You always say that!” and sounded quite annoyed at me. I certainly don’t mean to be annoyingly repetitive, it is something I might not be completely aware of.

So, for any carers/partners/workmates etc, please we need you to be patient with us. I know it must be annoying, but responding with annoyance makes us feel bad. Just like I have said about my work, I should have a card I hold up to grumpy clients or their families that says “I don’t come to work to piss people off” so too, perhaps another similar card needs to be made that says, “I don’t forget things to piss you off”

So, please be kind. Help us to find strategies to help us when our memory lets us down. We know you have to repeat stuff what must feel like thousands of times, but again, this is not because we have a desire to piss you off or even annoy you. We really can’t help it.

We need you to remember, that sometimes we really don’t!