Every family and every couple I’m sure have sayings and in house jokes that others wouldn’t get. Those ‘you had to be there’ moments, like this morning when our grandson and I showed Grampy a clip from Shaun the Sheep. Grandson had played and replayed the clip yesterday, cracking up each time. We decided to show Grampy and while he may have been mildly amused, he didn’t have a crackup like we did and said he didn’t think it was that funny. We had shared that moment yesterday, so we knew what was coming and again we cracked up. Definitely a ‘you had to be there’ moment.
It got me thinking about how we as individuals, but more particularly as part of a couple or family have sayings and inhouse jokes that others may not get. For example, my husband and I are fans of the Proclaimers. So, if either of us says “I’m on my way…” the next thing we are both singing “from misery to happiness today…” Another one is if one of us says “If you like…” then the other might launch into “…. a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, join our club” an advertisement for Club biscuits is responsible for that bit of silliness.
Growing up I was the youngest of four children. I remember tales of my second eldest brother’s use of rather interesting words when he was little. For example, he would call apples ‘piptees’ maybe because they had pips? Poplars were ‘Cornflake trees’ and horses were ‘cluckclools’ because that’s the noise they make when their hooves strike the ground?!? He also called my other brothers “Hee Hee” because he couldn’t say his name and “Pip” or “Pippy” because he couldn’t say the youngest brother’s name..
All these little sayings and funny names for things is the fabric of a family, a little thing but something that we remember long after we used those words as children.
I remember going to visit my Dad in the hospital where he was living at the time. I was with my husband and my Mum. Mum had a bad habit of saying things like, “I don’t even know if he knows we are here.” and I said “I’m sure he does!” Dad had Parkinson’s – and many years later we were to learn that Mum had it too – and Mum and my husband were standing next to him chatting. I sat and held his hand and chattered away. Dad seemed to be staring into the distance and in his own little world. Next thing I said to Dad, “Oi Bugger Lugs, I’m talking to you!” he turned round with a big smile on his face and said “Bugger Lugs” right back to me. I turned to Mum and said, “See! He’s still in there! He just has trouble getting out sometimes!” It was a good lesson for all of us, that just because someone doesn’t seem to be paying attention or listening to what you are saying and perhaps they are in their own little world, it doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of understanding. After that incident I was definitely even more careful to ensure I spoke respectfully around people who didn’t seem to respond!
There are sayings that peer groups have in common. They can be from a song, a movie or anything where a saying or words from a song can become something that is in current slang or speech.
One of my colleagues and I are close in age. At lunch with some of the younger members of the team, she will say something and she will look at me and say, ‘You’d understand that one wouldn’t you?’ the younger ones would be shaking their heads and have no clue. An example of this was when I brought some baking to lunch. As my colleague got up to go, she reached for another biscuit and said, “I’ll take one for Ron” to which the youngers said “Who’s Ron?” I of course knew exactly what she meant. “Later Ron” or “Later on” it’s definitely a generational thing.
When interacting with people with later stage Parkinson’s or perhaps people with dementia, it can be useful to know some of the popular slang used by them and their peers or family. For example my Dad would call trousers “kecks” so perhaps if he couldn’t remember what trousers were calling them kecks as an older memory might spark recognition.
Special memories are conjured up when I hear these words. They put a smile on my face as I remember my funny old Dad and the funny words he used to use. It wasn’t till I met my English husband and he started using some of what I thought were made up by my Dad, that I realised they weren’t. Every now and again my husband will use a term or saying and I realise that it’s another British saying, not just a silly thing my Dad invented.
Words are powerful. They have the power to conjure up memories. They can anchor us to each other in a shared understanding. Words can be magical or hurtful and everything in between.
Keep those special words and sayings alive and perhaps if the person with Parkinson’s doesn’t recognise the standard words that are in common useage, maybe trot out your version of “Bugger Luggs” and you might just break through!
My journey with Parkinsons 